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soooo I have so much anxiety right now, I am literally shaking. I can't slow my mind down with the negative self talk and feelings of self hatred. I can't stand like that I'm like this, unable to handle social situations. Why am I so afraid of other people? Well, more afraid of their judgement/me looking stupid. When I'm in a group, I constantly feel like everyone is talking about me or making fun of me and I don't get the joke. This fear is debilitating, however I do realise that it's also an aspect of the ego and people are most likely not judging me. I can't get my mind to stop telling me that though. I'm trying to breathe, I'm trying to observe the thoughts and allow the feelings to pass through me. It's not subsiding, it's not slowing down. I have a year of sobriety and all I can think of right now is what I can get my hands on to numb this internal turmoil.
Thank you for listening, I am grateful for you<3
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Writing about it here is a good step in helping get stuff off of your chest. As a third-person viewer, I can say that people are definitely not talking about you because I used to always think the same thing, always the worst case scenario. And then I would get in the moods and not have the ability to get out of them. Work on your self image and be the best person you can be, don't worry about what people think about you because I can guarantee you that is not the root of your problem. The problem is you are always looking in a mirror and see yourself as something you fear others see you as. Best way to fix that problem is to put on your best smile and shatter that bitch.
Replyand shatter I will, thank you for the encouragement:)
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