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Dear C,
The best part of my workday is seeing your smile. We've worked together for two years, and I've spent the last 1 1/2 of them with you constantly on my mind. I can't focus. I continually imagine what you would feel like in my arms. I'm trying hard to push this away. The crazy part is that, no matter how many ways I try to tell myself no, I think you have similar feelings. You seem to light up when we talk. You always have something you need to talk to me about. You like to say "Hey You" and bat your eyelashes when I swing by to tell you good morning.
I've avoided social events so that we don't hang out together outside of the office. I've tried so hard to keep this from happening. Now I am close to surrender. I (a very loyal and responsible person) am close to letting my family down and coming to you. I'm writing this letter because I'm not likely to do that. I take my responsibilities and vows very seriously. But this is wearing me down. I'm so afraid that I'll make a mistake and touch you, tell you or kiss you. I know we would be happy together, but it is too late. I know we'd hack together and tear down some old pc's. I know that somewhere, in another universe, we were meant for each other. Here and now, that can never happen. Right now you've made me question my long standing belief that there is one person for everyone. I love my wife and you drive me to feel like I did when she and I were young.
Here's the other part, I'm not perfect. I've never grown up. I center my life around playing music, loud music. I drink. I smoke. I party when I'm not parenting. I have and continue to live hard. No woman really wants that, I'm sure. I hope that offers some condolence to what I'm saying. I'm another woman's problem, and you won't have to deal with those same problems. Know this; I truly feel that I love you. When you need anything that I can even come close to providing, you will have it. My heart, however, has to stay where it is. This actually hurts to say. I've become so fond of you. But now I have to cut that off. No more flirting will come from me. This is a deliberate action that I must take. I hope you understand that it isn't because I don't like you. Quite the contrary. I wish you happiness and that all your heart's desires become fulfilled. I will struggle through the years as we work closely together, but I only do this because I am a man of my word. I wrote and made my vows to a wonderful girl and she deserves nothing less than for me to keep them. See you Monday.
Love,
C
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I can relate to this. Interestingly, I am in the position of the girl in your story. I am really fond of a male colleague who is married with a perfect family. Though I never bat my eyelashes. In fact I never let him know. I am careful not to show it. At some point, I think he likes me too. He has given me a heart-shaped box of chocolate when we were out to dinner. After all, one doesn't go around handing out that kind of gift, right? But nothing happens between us because I am quite careful to keep a little distance. That's not because I dislike him, it's quite the opposite, as you said. I am not selfish enough to risk any possibility of breaking up his family. So I never let him know. At work, we are the best comrades, very loyal to each other. Although, annoyingly, my intuition keeps telling me one day he and I will be together. I don't know why I have that strong intuition. But I keep brushing that thought off. Sometimes it can be difficult to stay sane. Sometimes I blame myself for not being selfish enough for my own good. But perhaps if there is karma in this world, kind people like us will have a happy ending in other ways. Thanks for sharing your story. I can get another perspective from the man's point of view. :)
ReplyI am in this spot... I am the girl in this story... we both have our own families. Our spouses work together. After thier Christmas party he finally showed his hand. We were drinking so I don't want to think to much into it. But he showed up at my house for me after we had all gone home. I told him to get back in his truck go home to his girl but he kissed me. It was what I had longed for.. my heart is still stuck on it. I am pushing it out of my head.. I have to stay out of my own head. I can't let this interfere....
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