Its rewind time

You know, I've given it some thought. Who would I have been and how would I be different if I didn't experience the things I did. If I was born into a somewhat stable environment with semi stable parents. How would that have impacted me over the years?

I mean, I'd be a totally and completely different person from who I am today. Probably would've graduated high school, maybe even college. Well, most likely, my IQ is pretty high up there. Probably would've made better choices, probably would've had an actual work ethic, probably would've been more extroverted because that's what I feel like.

I feel extroverted, I want friends and connections and all that fun stuff. I don't like being the wall flower that I am and the kill joy. But I can't help it, it was literally beaten into me.

The reason I do this is because I wonder who the real me is and maybe this version of me that exists right now isn't the real me. Maybe I'm just the projection of all these experiences. But what if I could tap into that person I think I'd be?

I know it would feel fake for a long time, maybe even forever. But what if I could do it in spite of that? Would I wear a smile I've never felt? Connect with people in a way I've never known? Would I put my best foot forward instead of pulling my own chain? Would I finally see the light, or would nothing change?