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he shared with me a beautiful story he wrote; taking my time to read it was the happiest moment of my life and i cried significantly while doing so. it just felt as if a missing piece of my soul has just found its way back where it belongs.
we were supposed to discuss it later when he wouldn’t be as busy as he supposedly was at the time. i was so excited to tell him how much it meant to me and how much of a treasure i think he is to the world. so excited i couldn’t contain myself.
and then he purposefully did a thing he knew would hurt me, as well as crossed my boundaries by not respecting my time. i excused him myself, i guess because i just cared too much not to lose the connection i thought was so special. i didn’t want to grieve yet another person in my life. and people are only human, after all. so i was the one to be the fool and reach out to him again. but then he hurt me even more so with all his indifference. he wasn’t at all interested in talking with me which he’s proven by his half-assed replies first, and ignoring me for hours on end second.
now i’m stuck.
he kept me waiting for him for weeks and i would’ve thought his lack of time wasn’t but an excuse if it wasn’t for the fact that in the meantime he sent me the story. it was probably the most palpable happiness i’ve felt but then he left me sadder than ever. as they say, the high’s are high but the lows…
i can’t make myself utter the entire sentence, but i miss. the time spent, it just comes visit me in my dreams and i can’t seem to let go. i don’t know if i should be wiser this time around and just remove myself from the situation before i get hurt even more. or if i should continue to be a fool and reach out to him again. ’cause i’m sure he won’t. which makes me question if i should even contemplate it. but i just. i just hate the thought of losing those once-in-a-lifetime relationships. but what if it was all a lie? i can’t really differentiate the lie from the truth. all i know is, whether waiting for the time to pass or trying to reach a person that’s distancing themselves out of the blue, i’m hurting either way. why can’t life just be happy for once?
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