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I have always seen my life as the perfect kind of life. I held my life as "better" than others. I always told people when they asked about me that my life is pretty great. My family is perfect and always united, I have many friends, and I as well as my family always make the best decisions. We don't drink or do any of that kind of things. All this because we are Christian. Ive heard of so many situations of other families and how different and discontent they are. But I was happy. I was. But now things are taking a downfall. I always prided myself on having such a content life. But lately, its been falling apart. My family, my personal life, the church I go to. Everything is changing. My family for one is breaking apart. My older sister who is 21 left our house for a rather stupid reason. For a guy. I think that is especially wrong to do. One as a child should leave the house on good terms with their parents. One should get married and then leave the house. The way my sister did it was just plain wrong. But I also understand her. There is not much freedom in our house. My step dad who loves us very much no doubt, is rather over protective and a little on the angry side. I understand he wants the best for us and because of our morals and values that we have as Christians, he just wants to make sure we do everything right and not regret any of our decisions. I completely understand him. But as I said, I also understand why my sister left. Nobody wants to be confined to a life with no excitement. So much restrictions and boringness if that is even a word. She got tired of it. I feel myself growing tired of it as well. Putting aside my sister, My parents are in a rocky part of their marriage. My mother, to be more specific, is getting tired of my step dad. As i said, he is a bit over on the angry side and can sometimes be a bit much to handle. I understand her. She wants some freedom as well but can't have it. She is confined to our house and is given little freedom to go out. Is it because of jealousy? Maybe. I never thought my step dad to be the jealous kind but as I am now 18, I am starting to see things as they are. Jealousy is definitely playing a part here. My mother cant take it anymore and as she doesn't work, she can't do anything about it. If she leaves, she'll have nothing. And to make it worse, she has 2 more children after me. She can't just get up and leave. My mother did tell me today that if it were up to her, she would want to disappear and just start over. Its a bit hurtful but understandable. All we want is a bit of freedom. Where is the unity in my family that i always told every one about? Putting aside my parents, there is me. I had made a huge mistake at the beginning of the year and ruined everything regarding my purity and innocence because of a guy. I made a mistake and I now have my regrets. Almost a year later now, I have been striving to be the best kind of daughter. I hate lying to my parents. I hate doing things behind their back. I've also learned to say no when i need to. Its getting harder and harder to keep it this way. I want freedom. Putting all this aside, my life has taken a downfall. My family and I just need a break. I can't tell people that I am christian because does my life reflect it? no. not anymore.
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I am sorry your life sounds really stressful. It sounds like you need a break from your family and your step dad is abusing people with his anger. Would your family be okay with you going away to study somewhere? Or getting a job? Perhaps that is too much to ask, since you mention that going out of the house can happen for the wrong reasons and we don't know what are right reasons.
ReplyYour mother should take steps to get a job and find someone to mind her younger kids while she works to save and get out of there.
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