What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
If you are in crisis and need immediate help, please call 1-800-273-8255 (NSPL) or text HOME to 741741 (Crisis Text Line). More resources.
I really want to die. Stop existing. If there was an option to just blip out of existence, I'd have done it a long time ago. I mean, I didn't ask to be born and if life was sooo good and I should be thankful for being popped out into this world without my consent, then why do people have to keep making up reasons, justifications for life/living itself?
But here's the catch. I want to end myself but I can't do it. I'm too afraid of pain. Isn't that the point of killing yourself? To escape pain/stop hurting? But fuck it all, it even hurts to escape life, is there even -- again -- a point?
Ways to kill yourself quickly always end up leaving the body a gruesome mess. Broken bones, a mush of blood and flesh from jumping off a high place. Ugly blue face, extended tongue and broken neck from hanging. And I don't have an access to gun. But gentle ways to die are slow and more tortuous. Poisoning from overdosing with medications, heck even death from mixing eyedrops with water is slow. There are even complications from doing it incorrectly. Say, something goes wrong by jumping from a high place or hanging yourself. What if life was just so stubborn that you don't end up killing yourself completely? You instead end up a quadriplegic? Or a comatosed person? You're conscious but can't move your body and people around you will stubbornly keep you alive, hooking you up to machines. All because euthanasia is taboo.
Fuck, I'd love to be euthanized even without medical reasons. I've searched up some article about a secret group of doctors illegally euthanizing terminally ill people. The way they die feels like heaven. They just trap your head in a balloon and make you inhale helium, then you're asleep forever. Why is it not widely available yet? I hope they become legal and multiply like abortion clinics.
So back to my issue -- if you're still willing to waste time on this block of text and made it this far -- is that I really want to die but I'm afraid of pain. So I can't die.
And it makes me want to bang my head against the wall so hard my skull bursts like a dropped watermelon.
And if afterlife is really real ("really real" <-- really? XD), what if you successfully kill yourself only to burn eternally in some underworld because you "sinned". Fuck it all, everywhere I go, I get hurt?
Fuck it. FUCK IT.
And I am so done with humans. No more faith left for them. You do so much, bend over your back, offer an arm and a leg to please them and you still get stabbed in the back in the end. What do you want? Am I not being civil enough for you?? As much as possible, I try to be a decent human and I get dragged to the floor like a dirty mop and be vilified for being a goodie two shoes??
And there are just people who hate you at first sight.
Like FUCK?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YA'LL?? THE FUCK'S YOUR PROBLEM???
And it's pathetic, verily so, that I can only swear and vent as much as I can on this platform where nobody would even care, because doing this openly, talking about this openly is sooo taboo, someone would sooner put a bullet through my head? I think?
And what about your words? You said I was a good friend, a good person. When did you stop liking me? Is it because I removed my mask that one time... and you didn't like what you've seen? Something about me is weird? My actions are weird? I'm a naive baby??
YOU GAVE THIS IMPRESSION YOU LIKED ME! THEN YOU'LL JUST FADE AWAY WHEN I DIDN'T FIT YOUR IDEALS??
FUCK YA'LL.
SO WHAT IF I'M UNLOVABLE??
I DON'T NEED YOU TO ACCEPT ME!
NOT ANYMORE!!!
Someone just yeet me out of existence. I'm tired of existence.
Oh, and If I ever get reincarnated, don't return me to the same set of parents. An orphan will do. Parents suck.
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
farts
I farted in the theatre and everybody started laughing, and i was very sad because it was a loud fart and most of my farts are very quiet. I was trying to do a...
-
Depression
My mental health is getting worse, I've no family support what should i do!?? I'm only 18. My family complain too much about me like I've developed anger issues...
This post made me feel something, glad to know iām not alone and someone else feels the same way. Talk about a crisis.
ReplyYou are in a catch 22 situation. You don't want to live because you have had it with your parents and people, and you don't want to die because demons will take you to a horrible place. The best option is to live and to not put so much importance on people. Find things that you like to do by yourself and do these.
Purposes of life are: to have a loving relationship with God so that He will help you and you will never be alone. To find a life partner with who you make a home and reproduce. To be a good example to your children, and to raise them to be the best that they can be. Not the best you try to force them to be. Let them choose their own type of work. To help others. To learn through life's experiences so that you gain the wisdom needed to give counsel to your grown children and grandchildren when you are older. To work to provide for your family and yourself. To attain assets to leave to your descendants when you die. To be part of the cosmos.
Reply