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Hey you,
The past 7 months with you in my life has been an emotional roller coaster. I've been the happiest and the lowest I have ever been in my life, and I still am not sure if you're a blessing or a curse. But what I do know is that I'm deeply falling for you. I really don't want to, because it's just hurting me. But I can't seem to help it.
I really thought we were gonna end up together. I mean, literally everyone thought so. I was so surprised by how comfortable I became around you, and every second I spent with you was just magical, pure happiness...well at-least for the 1st 4 months you were in my life.
What happened to us? How were you able to come up to me and tell me you are falling in love with one of my closest friend? How could you pretend like you never thought of us together? Were you just plainly stupid to not realise that what we had was more than friendship? Or were you just being a dick and leading me on because you were bored or something?
But what confuses me the most is, you are not a dick to me. I want to get mad at you for giving me false hopes. I want to cut you out of my life and not care about you. But no, that is not possible. You are the best guy I have ever met, you are the most caring person ever, I feel super safe around you and you are someone I trust so much. You tell me I am one of your closest friends, you tell me I am someone you trust a lot too. We both know that our friendship is so fucking strong, our bond is so fucking good. With just a little time, we became really good best friends.
I just want to see you happy. I know that my friend is a good person, she's so kind and amazing, and you told me you love her and that she makes you happy. Well then, I'm so happy for you. There's nothing I want more than to see you happy with someone, even though I don't get to be that someone.
Maybe I am the one who fucked up. Maybe you were just being friendly and I mistook everything and caught feelings for you. I was so stupid to think that you felt the same way too...
You can't really blame me tho, can you? After all those nights where you would lay your head on my stomach while I ran my fingers through your soft, curly hair, after all those nights you tickle me until I fall out of bed, after all those nights we fall asleep and wake up next to each other.
It hurts so much to see you two together. I love the both of you and I'm so fucking happy that ya'll are happy together. But it still hurts. I keep smiling every time you kiss her in front of me, I keep smiling every time you lift her up in your arms, I keep smiling as she comes and tell me about the way you kiss her, I keep smiling as I see hickeys on your neck and her neck, I keep smiling when I see her in your hoodies and t-shirts.
I don't blame her for anything. She is one of my most amazing and closest friends, and she has no idea about what ever the fuck was going on between us at the beginning. And I don't blame you either. She is a better match for you than I am. I thought I was finally over you, I was successfully able to not think about you for like a month. But I just realised that I was just lying to myself, trying to bury my feelings.
I know for a fact that if I actually tell you all this, you would hate yourself for hurting me like this. But now it's way too late for that conversation. Now I need to get over you, I need to move on. Hopefully I'll be able to do that soon.
Once again, I'm so happy for you two. You deserve the world for being the amazing person you are. I know we never really dated, but I would definitely talk about you to my daughter one day when I share my past experiences about guys with her. Maybe some hearts are not blessed to beat together. That's okay. If I had to go back in time to change things so that I don't get hurt, I would never take back our 1st 4 months together. As much as it hurts, the memories and moments I had with you were totally worth it. They were like scenes taken straight out of a movie, and I was the happiest I've ever been in those 4 months.
I wish you all the best in your relationship with my friend. You two deserve all the happiness in the world. I love you so fucking much and I really hope that only good things come your way. Take care.
Much love,
your friend who was dumb enough to catch feelings for you and is now facing one-sided love!
P.s don't catch feelings for your best friend. If you both feel the same way, then that's the most amazing thing ever. But if only one person catches feelings, that shit is fucking painful.
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im so sorry. you deserve better than him.
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