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the title says it all. not even sure. i'm not the type to dwell over things. however, a few weeks ago, i left my "girlfriend'' and got back with my ex boyfriend, who i hadn't lost feelings for. today, my ''ex girlfriend'' and i were standing in the hallway, back to back and we both ended up turning around and almost kissed. no big deal, right? wrong. the issue was , that neither of us pulled away. we almost went it, until we ended up stepping back. my friend pulled us in a little alcove and tried to get us to kiss. as much as i wanted to, i honestly couldn't. my life has been full of twists and turns lately, and this is not something that i needed. i want my old life back. the one where i had my mom and my sister. the one where i didn't have to stress out about anything. but now, it's hard i guess. i shouldn't complain, people have it so much worse. i continue to hide my emotion and bottle everything up. the less people know, the better. i refuse to 100% open up to anybody, because everyone ends up turning their back and walk away. never in my life, have i wanted to just run away. not physically. i would just like to escape my thoughts. run away from my own mind. not forever, just temporarily. i find myself watching out for everyone, but honestly, who is looking out for me? who is helping me? that's where i keep coming up blank. i just continue to stick to myself. fight for myself.
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