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Recently, I've been feeling really suffocated in my household and with how my parents treat me. I'm almost 20 and my parents still treat me as if I'm 16. The only time I'm seen as an adult is when I mess up or when it seems most convenient to them. "You're an adult, you can make adult decisions," my dad would say, until he does a complete turnaround and gets mad that I made a decision without letting him or my mom know. I still have to put on my location to our Whatsapp family chat everywhere I go, even if it's just down the street to the store. Sure, they're worried and they want to make sure I'm safe and all, but it's gotten to the point where they're now helicopter parents to their child who is an adult. It's tiring having to deal with hourly check-ins when I'm out running errands or with friends. It's hypocritical when I have to give them full detail of where I'm going and when, while my dad can just leave without letting any of us know and without his location on. I figure it's because, I live in their house so I have to abide by their rules no matter how much they say I can do what I want because "I'm an adult." I don't even have my own car or the money to get my own car anymore because my dad has used up most of my cash to buy alcohol, cigarettes, weed, or unnecessary junk for the house. How does he pay me back? Either never or with my mom's money. It mostly seems like a lot of this is about my dad (because it is), but my mom pretty much has no choice but to reinforce whatever my dad says or else she gets yelled at for being a "bad parent" by my dad. I want to leave this house so badly, but I have nowhere to go except back to my grandparents. I originally came up with a plan to confront my parents about how I don't appreciate how I'm being treated and I want to leave so that I can actually become more productive and overall have the freedom I want as an adult. I was going to suggest that I moved back in with my grandparents so that I'd have some leeway on my decisions, but also so I can focus better on getting my life together. Living with my parents and siblings has been more damaging to my mental and emotional health than most people would think. I thought that was a pretty solid plan, but the main issue is that I've gotten so used to keeping all of these thoughts to myself. I'm scared to start up the conversation because my mind instantly goes to the worst case scenario. What if they completely disown me? What if they don't allow my grandparents' house to be an option? What if they just brush it off as me being too emotional and tell me that I don't know what I'm talking about? As terrible as I'm making my mom and dad's parenting skills seem, I'm scared of being viewed as the ungrateful or disrespectful child. I'm scared of losing their trust completely and being abandoned. I just need space from this house. I need to figure things out, but I'm lost and I don't know where to start.
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It sounds like you have a pretty solid plan to me, just stuck on the follow through of it. Staying at your grandparents sounds like a perfect solution to me, especially because it doesn't sound like you want to cut them off entirely. You're an adult, and adults need their own space. I think by living with your grandparents you could get some of that space back without losing your parents in the process.
My advice on said follow through is to be kind but firm when explaining what you want to do. Again, it doesnt sound like you hate your parents or anything, you're just ready to "leave the nest" nothing wrong with that. As long as you stay calm and don't use "you" statements, it should go smoothly. Explain how you feel and what you want to do without accusing them, I think that'd be the best way.
If not that, you could suggest visiting your grandparents for a couple weeks, pack your stuff and then just stay at your grandparent's indefinitely (assuming they're okay w u living with them). I'm not sure if that's an option though.
ReplyI'm 25 but they still treat me like teen.
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