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Don't take this post the wrong way I'm not suicidal just sad and confused.
I'm having this issue where I feel so lost anymore in life.
It feels like I cant do nothing right, like I always just disappoint everyone who is close me.
Being 20 years old and not driving because I was never taught how too nor does anyone want to still.
I get told I am to quiet when I go in room full of people. I get told you need to take more initiative in my own life but I don't know how.
I have self diagnosed depression and anxiety because I know not everyone is naturally this sad like I am.
It doesn't help when you really had no guidance growing up on how to survive on your own.
Plus looking if a job in job market that wont higher you because you don't have enough experience in that field.
So people now look at you like your not even trying to look for a job.
When in reality you are they think of you as lazy and just bumming it when you are trying but nobody really sees your struggle.
Or what really goes through your head and they don't try to understand it because its to scary for them.
In the end you end up alone with your thoughts and you try to keep to yourself but then your being stingy with your affection.
Needless to stay most people do actually call me stuck up and say I don't pay attention to what they say.
Trust me I've been told this my whole life but even my own family.
I sometimes think my own family only puts up with me because I am family and deep down they secretly hate me.
I even think my own personal relationship hates me and secretly doesn't wanna be with me because I have to many issues going on with myself I have to solve.
But I don't know how to call out for help I'm to afraid too.
What if nobody is there to answer my call?
I just feel so useless anymore in my life.
By having no job, drivers license, insurance, happiness what really do I have?
A boyfriend who dislikes me at times because I'm afraid to take that leap to move forward because I don't wanna fail.
How do I not feel like this anymore, how do I move forward without taking 3 steps back in the progress.
Is this a cry out for help? Am I a lost cause in life in general?
Will things ever get better for me? Yes? No?
If so when?!?!?!?!
My head is to scary and dark to brave on my own I just feel so alone in my head.
I know I have people waiting there for me to come foreword and approach them about this but what if they abandon me?
My happiness is but a tiny string that's rips over the smallest thing but somehow reconnects when it decides I should be happy now.
But only lasting for so long.
I don't like controlling my own life I like when people tell me what they expect of me and how to do something.
How am I supposed to experience freedom when I don't really know what to with it since I was never given it?
All I want is guidance and understanding from people.
Then when I am ready let me go little by little so I can wean off of it and be free.
Why cant I just be good enough for people to accept me for me?
Help...
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Stop worrying about what people think. If they say something negative say I'm sorry you feel that way. Open up to those around you how you feel. Work on a passion for now instead of a dollar. Then know this. God knows you and is listening. Waiting for you to find him. In reality he's waiting for you to know he's there. He loves you more than anyone. He can take your anxiety away. He can lift your mood. When you realize how much he loves you you will be overwhelmed. Cry to him and there will be comfort get mad at him and he will listen. Pray like it's already been given. He will give you confidence. Nothing is for ever one day you will die and none of these things will matter. So next time your feeling quite dare yourself to speak. Next time your feeling stuck up be silly. Next time your in doubt pray and know something will change. The faster you do this the closer you will be to what you want in life. And lastly if you stop focusing on your problems and redirect them towards light,they will disappear. That's a fact bc you are also creator. Worry creates things to worry about. Fear makes scary things happen. It is the law of attraction and when you retrain your brain and see signs of hope give gratitude bc it inforces the good. You are in a state of non matter which is 49% to be in a state of matter you must add a little more to every aspect of goodness in your life. Like saying how you feel when you think it would embarrass you. Tell people who come to you about problems that your having and say "no worries" it's a strong statement bc it truly rods your energy field of worry. Just keep adding to your positivity bank. If you don't feel like say to yourself do I really want to stay like this. God bless and may the spirit move thru you.
ReplySame!!! Fighting!!
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