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I obviously don't deserve your help but I just can't bear the thought that my life is meaningless. I am so irritated by that fact. Every time I tell myself reasons to live, I then ask myself "So what?", and now I am stuck in this abyss wondering what my existence is for anyway. Nothing matters anymore, yet I still can't help being anxious and a shit person all the time. I still care, and I don't want to. I don't want to hurt people anymore, yet I am too stupid to think of a way to just die and to find the right when and where.
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