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i thought i was doing fine. believe it or not but this whole lockdown thing had been pretty good for me. for the first time i didn't feel like i was the only one falling behind. it was like the whole world stopped so i got a lot of me time. the uncertainty of not knowing what's going to happen next wasn't scary or anything. in fact it was relaxing for me to finally not care about what's going to happen for a few months. i felt myself getting better. i wasn't so hopeless or anxious anymore. but now that it's finally over and life's back to normal, well this reality check isn't setting right with me. i finally got over my hopelessness and trained my mind for months that it isn't so bad. i was happy these past months. but idk what's happening. im seeping right back to what i thought i had overcomed. im feeling like the future's not worth it no matter how beautiful it's going to be. the only thing stopping me is my parents. i don't want to even imagine the pain they gonna go through if i do something. but im afraid that one of this days im going to snap and do something drastic.
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