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On March 26th, 2015, my brother hung himself in my basement. I woke up to my mother screaming. (I am 15 years old today). I will never forget running downstairs just to see a trillion police officers running to the basement. and my dear mother. In a ball in the middle of the floor screaming and crying. I was so confused. She kept saying Gabes gone. I didn't understand what that meant. Just imagine waking up at 3:06 am to that. I was a little out of it. I grabbed my moms head as I was screaming at her to tell me what had happened. She said, "he's hanging in the basement." I didn't believe her when she said it. I started to head towards the basement as a police officer told me to not go down there because he didn't want me to see him. I faintly remember hearing something heavy drop to the ground. In the basement... At the time I didn't know what that sound was, nor was I worried about it then. Fast forward to March 29th. It was the day of the funeral. My family owns the funeral home that my brothers services were at. I remember waking up that morning with such a restless night of crying and an incredibly heavy, painful heart. My mother, I, and some friends and family went to the funeral home to start the service. It was so scary to me because I have never been so close to someone whom has died in such a tragic way. The funeral was so hard to deal with but I managed because I knew my mom came first. I have to take care of her. I don't exactly care what anyone says about it. She's my mother. My best friend in the entire universe. She always has been. Anyways, after the funeral, my brothers girlfriend Emily and her friend Cassie were over as well as so many other people I don't even remember were there. I was laying in my moms bed by myself. Emily came in and we were talking about how we would always be there for each other and how much we loved each other. She gave me a kiss and said "I'll see you in the morning. I love you. You're a huge piece of my heart." She shut the door and I never saw her again. I woke up the next morning (this is now the morning after the funeral). Emily called me and said that she was about to leave her house to come over and hang out with me. She was crying on the phone, I just thought she was upset because she obviously just lost her boyfriend. I was kind of wrong. She and Cassie had gone down into my brothers room the night before and took EVERYTHING sentimental of his. Later that day I came home from a friends house to see my mom freaking out because all of Gabes stuff was mysteriously gone.. At that point I haven't heard from Emily all day. She never came over. I called Cassie and asked her if she'd knew where Emily was and if she had heard from her. Cassie started crying and said that she can't tell me because she promised Emily that she wouldnt tell me what had happened. I was so confused and started to panic. I demanded her to tell me. Cassie took a deep breath and said "Emily is in the hospital." I was like "wtf?! What happened??" Cassie told me that Emily hung herself. I didn't realise at that time that you could still be alive after hanging yourself. But she was still living. It was very odd. She was on life support at UC. Her brain was completely dead. So she wasn't really alive, she was only breathing. On April 9th, was the day she officially died. I wasn't really grieving her death. That's only because I know in my heart, she was responsible for Gabes death. She had givin him however many Kelonopins the night he died and he was already drunk. She left him there to basically die. My mom and I had no idea because it was super late and a school/work night. Gabe was going to shoot himself with his gun that he had. He realized he didn't have bullets. So he I guess decided to hang himself. A terrible 6 months later, we got the toxicology reports back. It described that Gabe had bad marks on his body to which it sounded like he had been beaten up or something. That wasn't the case. In his room were cement floors. I then got a very unsettling feeling that the sound I heard that morning he died, was him falling from the ceiling. Cords don't tie in knots very well..I have struggled to a point nobody will ever understand. I have my own personal issues with this. But I tend to put those problems to the side so I can help my mother in every way possible. I know that isn't the best thing to do but it's just how I feel to do. I have been thru counseling. Which I think is a joke because I don't like talking about it with a complete stranger. I don't know, that's just me. No body knows that no matter how good or bad of a day I am having, I still to this day (May 4th, 2016) cry myself to sleep. Every. Single. Night. I still and will keep pushing to achieve the goals I have for myself. Which is so so so hard to do for me. I don't think anyone will read this but I felt the need to write down my feelings maybe just this once. Or maybe I'll do it again..
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I love you Case❤💙
ReplyI love you dude, I read every word, I'm so sorry Casey
ReplyI am reading this btw and you are not alone. im so sorry. happy thoughts tho!
Reply