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So me and an ex broke up back in October. We talked on and off but he mostly kept saying that we wouldn't work out and stuff. But he kept talking with me and I would just sit and think like "if you think that way then why are you still talking to me?" But, he is someone I have really come to love and care about being in a relationship with him for almost four years that when he came around, I welcomed him. Our relationship at the end was a mess though, something that could probably be fixed if we sat down and talked about it. I had hope that a talk like that could happen but now I don't think so.
A couple weeks ago, he came around asking to meet up and told me he was still in love with me. I agreed of course. When we met up, I won't lie, it felt complete to be seeing him again and being near him again. But, one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together. Not a great idea I know, but it just happened. After that, we stayed in contact for a few days and we talked about being friends and just being on a break. But then he switched up out of nowhere and told me he couldn't do it and apologized for reaching out. I was very confused and hurt but I tried to be understanding.
We didn't talk until just recently. Last Thursday. I had a couple of his belongings that he wanted back and I was leaving for school that Saturday and I thought I would take them to him before I left town. So I did. I ended up staying with him longer than I intended. We talked for a bit on his doorstep and then ended up going for a cruise. It felt much like old times and I have never felt more at peace. After about an hour of driving around, we went back to his place and we ended up sleeping together again. After that, we went for another cruise. We were talking and getting along just fine, like nothing changed, and I had so much hope that we could rekindle what we had. But then, I found out he had a girlfriend and that they had been together since November.
I found out accidentally. We stopped to get gas and he pulled down his visor to reveal a picture of her. Immediately, I felt crushed. I felt guilty. He cheated on her with me. We talked about it and I told him that he should probably be honest with her. But he didn't want to. I remember feeling so torn up with guilt because I have never done anything like that before and further, I didn't even know he was in another relationship.
I told my closest friend about the situation and she told me to tell his girlfriend. At first, I felt it wasn't my place to do so and I thought that she might think I did it to ruin their relationship, but I had no intentions like that as I didn't know he had another girlfriend. But, it came down to girl code and "wouldn't you have wanted to know if you were in that position?" So, I ended up finding her and telling her. She seemed like a nice girl and it made me feel even guiltier but she thanked me for telling her. Needless to say, they broke up and he ended up getting mad at me.
In the end, I still have this soft spot for him. I know I shouldn't, but I just can't help it. I am now working through accepting the fact that I will never get him back and that I shouldn't try to get him back because of what happened. I still have a lot of love for him and I still don't understand why he'd get into a relationship and continue that connection with me or even hide the fact that he was in a relationship from me. I honestly wish he would've been honest with me earlier and it could've saved us the time and the extra heartache. As of now, the last we spoke was on Tuesday and that was him telling me that he had no love for anyone right now and not to message back. So now, I am back to square one with a lot of emotional pain. I wish I didn't love him as much as I do.
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First of all, I would like to say am so sorry that you had to experience that and you genuinely deserve better.
I know how difficult it is to let go of someone when you still have feelings and love for a person like you do with your ex. I also know it is easy for me to sit here and say you have to let him go. However, that is exactly what you need to do. You need to go cold Turkey and cut him out of your life. I know it is hard, but you have to see it as though you are in love with the potential of someone rather than who he truly is. Since, if he was a good guy he wouldn’t have cheated on his current girlfriend with you.
I won’t lie to you, it won’t be easy but I promise in the long run it really if for best. You can get through this and you are not alone :) x
ReplyHe didnt love you or cared or even respected you. he wouldnt have slept with you when hes in another relationship if he respected you. I want you to get a new number.. block his number , block him on social media and just slowly starts to move on... even if he says he loves you and what not, remember that he cheated with you on someone else and he could do the very same to you as well. you deserve so much better. you deserve someone who respects you.
ReplyI agree with the other commentators who think it is best for you to move on.
As someone who was a young guy many years ago and did this to a couple of girls back then - I can tell you he's playing games.
An unwritten rule to the pure at heart: "guys give love for sex, girls give sex for love". The problem with this is "rules were meant to be broken", and both guys and girls are notorious for breaking this rule, especially during the young, restless years of 18-25.
Stay focused on your goals and where you see your self in the next 5 years. Romantic love always arrives; the challenge is knowing when it is true.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
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