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I'm feeling melancholy again. I'm trying to sleep, it's late, but my insomnia is victorious once again. I miss my grandma. I realised I'm going to get old (like her) and die (like her) and my parents and my friends and my children will all die, because that's the way life works. Why do we exist, why do we even live, if we all eventually die. We'll all become dust and nothing we'll ever do will matter. I'm scared. I don't want to fade away and have everyone forget about me. I don't want to die. I'm so scared of getting sick, or dying in some kind of accident, or being killed. I don't want to be told I'm going to heaven, because I don't believe in anything. I don't want it to just be over. I don't want to lose anyone ever again. My other grandparents are old. I might lose them soon. I don't want them to die.
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