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Math just doesn't come to me that easily. It's probably my fault because I can't fucking focus! And everytime it seems hard I just start breathing really fast and heavily and I start to cry. I don't understand. It's my fault that I got there anyways, why am I crying?
My fault, my fault, my fault, my fault.
It's the same with my daily routine. Somedays it's easy for me to brush my teeth and get wash my face but then most days I can barely have the time to wash my face and I panic because someone my age needs to wash my face. One time I got dressed at like 4pm and panicked because it was very late. I try to eat healthy and excercise and when I do I feel much better. I want to do girly stuff because the thought of doing girly stuff makes me feel good but how can I do self-care when I can't even wash my face once?
I have a therapist but I don't see her very often and it's hard to communicate with people, especially when I feel like I'm about to cry.
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Okay I'm the person who wrote this. I'm actually really worried that I have the inatentitive type of ADHD because I have most of those symptoms. But I'm also worried I might have a mental illness (Is ADHD considered a mental illness? I'm not sure.) but I don't know how to ask my therapist.
ReplyAlso is it weird that I once cried when someone actually had a decent conversation about how I felt? Not in front of them but as soon as I returned to my room I started crying.
Sorry for my spelling, I suck at spelling and grammar.
ReplyThat's not weird at all! Maybe there's a possibility that you for some reason feel that you aren't allowed to feel a certain way, or that those feelings are locked off.
ReplyAs someone with ADHD, I can help you, what are some of the symptoms you think lean you to having ADHD? Also, ADHD is categorized as a Mental Disorder.
Reply- I struggle to focus (like right now I'm supposed to be taking science notes) in most of my classes.
- I talk a lot and sometimes when I talk while happy or excited I talk REALLY FAST. I usually go "uh um" when I speak too so yeah.
- I try not to but sometimes I can suddenly spark with strong emotions like when I'm mad or annoyed a lot I start crying and can sometimes yell at whatever I'm mad at (The news, teacher- luckily my mic is muted).
- I can sometimes get really forgetful but other times remember something that happened when I was 4.
- Sometimes I can be a bit dramatic (well, I do like musical theater so yeah...)
- I like learning and putting my effort into things that I like instead of the important things in school. I'd rather look up stuff from the Tudor Era and draw the women's fashion from that time instead of paying attention in math, that's for sure.
ReplyHaha you and I seem like the exact same person. I struggle to focus in certain classes like Math and Science but tend to excel in History, Spanish, and English. There is this thing called Hyper-focus. Usually people with ADHD, ADD, Autism etc. have it, basically it's when you can focus really hard on things that interest you. So for me specifically it's, History & Wars, Movies & Music, and Crime. Those things I could literally talk about for hours if you let me. The spark with strong emotions is something I also understand and I do have a somewhat selective memory. I am the most dramatic person I know AND I love the Theatre and Drama.
ReplyOkay. I'm going to ask my therapist about it when I see her next.
ReplyYou must be super creative. So math isn't your strong suit, you've gathered that. Tell me what you are good at?
ReplyMath is too hard, social studies is too boring and easy, language arts is stupid to me (the teacher is nice, though), science is either too hard or too easy, and coding is so boring and difficult, probably because I don't like my teacher in that class.
I'm probably better at most people my age at cooking, but personally baking is more fun and easy for me (I'm 12 btw). I like playing my piano and singing but due to covid I can't take classes for them right now so I work with what I know. Drawing is fun but digital art comes easier to me.
Again, sorry for my grammar it sucks.
ReplyI also really like theater but there aren't any classes or clubs at my school for it.
ReplyGreat one of my comments is being "reviewed by a moderator."
Oh well. I guess Novni doesn't like people calling language arts stupid.
ReplyNevermind it's not being reviewed anymore.
Replyomg it's like you described me. Especially stuff like random simple tasks that become impossible, or your delayed-reaction emotional outburst after talking to people, sudden uncontrollable panics, everything you said. Even health & exercise (I'm obsessive).
idk I wish I had the answer but all I can offer are a few tips that help in certain situations. It helps me to outline routines. Plan the steps. So for example if you can't wash your face, you can plan 1) Get out of bed. 2) Turn on the water 3) Put soap on right hand 4) Put hand on face... etc...
It seems absurd but sometimes we need to break it down that far. With me, I literally create a To-Do list on my phone and sometimes it's stuff like "Get Up" "Walk to Mailbox" "Open Mailbox" "Grab Contents" ...and I put a check mark next to each one when I do it.
Anyway, you're not alone and ITS NOT YOUR FAULT. Some of us have brains that are wired differently. For you the piano is fun, but for a lot of people they get terrible anxiety at touching a key. Think about that! Most people are terrified to sing or touch an instrument. So you're not weird for hating math. (PS I hated math until I realized math is actually music, and vice versa)
ReplyI have previously tried to write schedules on my phone but when I couldn't complete a task after that it would almost drive me nuts so I dropped that idea. Sometimes for me, writing is fun, other times it's not great. Like for example, I'm trying to write how I feel so I can read it out loud to my therapist. Okay, thank you for helping. Have a nice day! :)
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