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I'm living a life in which I'm doing all the right things. Eating well, exercising, finding friendship, doing well in school, keeping proper hygiene, and making time for myself. Yet I feel like there is a rope tied around my neck and it is continuously tightening. I fall asleep at night only to wake up dreading being in my body again. It's like as soon as I open my eyes every negative thing I felt the day before comes rushing back. I wish I could fall asleep forever. I don't want to die, but I don't want to keep feeling the way I feel right now. I know that killing myself would do so much more harm than good and I would, in the end, regret it immensely. I have so many goals and aspirations but I can't take this feeling anymore. Soon I'm worried I'm going to choke. Every single thing I do comes with so much anxiety and stress. I feel like a huge cloud of negative emotions is following me around everywhere I go, only removing itself for a second sometimes. I never feel happy. In fact, I can't remember the last time I felt true happiness. I have a therapist and I take medication, but I feel like it's not doing anything. I just want to stop feeling like this... I can't take it anymore and I'm worried I'm going to do something someday that I regret.
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I feel the exact same way. I'm 22. I've felt this way since I was 15. I haven't had any friends since highschool. I've been completely alone for about 5 years. Haven't hung out with anyone my age in a long time. It's crippling really. Depression is one of the worst things to experience. Especially when nothing helps. At least your making friends that's way better than I could ever do. No matter what just keep living. No matter how hard it is. Your getting stuff done. That's good. I literally haven't done much of anything in 2 years. I dropped out of school. Became a hermit. Basically gave up on my dream. My dream is probably the only thing that will make me happy once again. If I ever acheieve it.
ReplyHere's something worth considering... the medication may be MAKING you feel this way. Different people react to medication in different ways, and that's why it's important to tell your prescribing doctor all the things you're feeling. Maybe a different medication is better for you, or maybe none at all.
With me, I was prescribed Sertraline (Zoloft) and the first week was good. But immediately after that, I started feeling exactly what you just described. Anxiety levels through the roof, felt like I was choking. And what you described about how you feel waking up, I couldn't have described my own experience better than that. I was also prescribed a bunch of other stuff, for insomnia, and for a head injury. So I can't single out Sertraline as the problem, but definitely something was upsetting my body chemistry. I took myself off all medications.
Things cleared up within a week. Don't get me wrong, life is still pretty miserable, but I don't feel that intense choking feeling anymore. Now I'm just sad lol. But my head is clearer. I can think. I don't panic as much.
Just something worth thinking about. You sound like you have your life together, but something is causing you to get out of balance. If it's not diet, then maybe it's the medication?
Replyinstead of focusing on doing everything perfectly like you normally do, try taking up something to relieve stress that can be done imperfectly. Rather than something like knitting where you can clearly make mistakes, try expressive art or something like that. Something where instead of feeling like you have done it correctly or incorrectly, you just know that you've done it. This worked for me when I felt like I was always trying to sculpt myself into the perfect person when it came to college and family relationships. It made me feel like just because it hadn't gone to plan, doesn't mean it was a mistake.
ReplyI'm sorry, feeling the same way.... 14 1/2 it relationship and going nowhere 🤦♀️ I don't know what to do... I feel like I am lost, I don't have friends, family..... I don't want to die, but I am done feeling the way I do
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