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i admire those people who may or may not be innocent to the world and the bad things on earth, but they still leave themselves vulnerable and continue to trust.
the people who get hurt over and over again, but they pick themselves up and continue to trust the same way they did before. it's as if no one has hurt them. they're not perfect, but they keep going.
i admire those people. i strive to be like them. but my comfort and "safe place" is when i push everyone away.
if i get hurt by someone, i hold this sort of grudge. not to get revenge on them, nor do i wish they would get hurt - but i just can't forget what they do to me. i cannot force vulnerability.
i'm scared to get hurt by people, someone new or someone in the past.
therefore, i don't trust. i don't open myself up.
sure, i sound like any other person in the world and that sucks. it sucks that countless more people experience the sadness and hate and frustration that i experience, more or less.
i instantly love you if you're this type of person - the one who is "innocent" in the bravest and strongest way.
the ones who continue to love and care and stay selfless. one of those people is sort of my mom. but it's from her experiences that i learn and realized how bad people are. in general, this world is so much more corrupt than you know.
always more corrupt than you know.
at one point in your life you'd think you've seen, heard of, or experienced all the bad crap in this world. all the sinister and messed up things humans are capable of. but it's as if there's something new everyday.
a new killer. a new heartbreaker. a new weapon. a new narcissistic sadist. a new monster. a new "something bad".
the devil rules over this world and it's crazy how corrupt satan is. if you don't experience too much bad in your life, look at how satan fucks up other people. the devil has no limits or exceptions. he kills and tortures infants, children, teenagers, adults, the elderly- doesn't matter who you are or what you've achieved. the devil wants you to fail. and that's where God comes in.
nonetheless, that's why i love those types of people. the ones who know how fucked up the world is, but they still love. they decide that it's worth being kind and considerate, even if they get manipulated or used in the end.
i'm beginning to be one of those people and it hurts a lot. i just need to work on truly moving forward. sometimes i let outside factors destroy me. sometimes i begin to accept and i become convinced of the bad things people tell me i am.
"you're ugly. you suck at your sport. when you win, you just get lucky. you don't ever work hard enough, it's just luck. no one actually likes you or wants to be friends, they just feel pity. you really don't matter. the only thing you're useful for is to be stepped on." and a lot more.
if you're one of those people who keep going as if nothing has happened to you- i love you. you're not alone. it's okay to be sad and mad and frustrated and feel tired. it's okay.
you are one of a kind. don't believe the people who call you weak or gullible or stupid. of course, always make sure you're doing the right thing out of your heart, but nonetheless- keep going.
the world needs more kindness, consideration, empathy, and love.
and YOU are someone who can brighten someone's day or who inspires someone. you may not know who or when, but your presence matters. your actions and kindness rubs off on people even if you feel like no one sees you - they do, they just don't say anything and i don't know why haha.
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When I was all but 3 or 4 I would get up....put my boots on the wrong feet...put my coat on backwards....and go visit anyone who opened the door.....just because I wanted to know their story.
Replyi believe and hope the same as you!! i appreciate your comment, it made me feel less alone.
Replythis is so sweet of you. yes, it’s not easy for us to trust again after someone had hurt us multiple times. but after all this is life, we still need to put up ourselves after they broke us into pieces. Enjoy life,enjoy the ride!
Replythank you :) and exactly! but i gotta say, life is definitely one heck of a ride haha, sort of like riding a rollercoaster blindfolded.
ReplyI am one of these people and its not as good as you make it sound XD people I barely even know constantly have to point out when I'm being literaly verbally abused be others (almost all of which I still trust dispite this)
I will say the good thing is people open up to me and tell me their problems, I love that they do because I want them to trust me and I strive to help in any possible way.
Replyi love you haha. and idk maybe you can't see it, but people with this sort of character are amazing (to me at least XD). don't worry, there will be a time when you give off a type of confidence that you'll form over time and you'll start to notice that no one points out anything anymore.
and you just said one of the "pros" of having this sort of character, the fact that some people see your vulnerability as a safe place and feel comfortable to open up. i'm really happy to hear that :)
ReplyThe world sucks and people can be absolute jerks. I’ve had my heart broken by people and I’ve broken many times. Some days, the only way I get through it is by latching onto one person in my mind and thinking “It would hurt them too much if I left.”
However, the way I see it there are only two options: to feel nothing or to take the ups and downs. So, I love. I laugh. I cry. I get hurt. The downs absolutely suck, in amounts that words cannot describe. But I still take them so that I can experience the ups that make life worth it.
Replyugh i'd do anything for such a solid and good outlook on life haha. and you don't know how much i relate to the phrase, "...in amount that words cannot describe." but yeah wow, i appreciate your comment because it was an eye opener for me. it reminded me to focus my eyes on the ups, you know? the downs will come, but i gotta stop anticipating and thinking of the downs. focus on the ups and i won't be torturing myself as much haha. thank you again.
ReplyI’m glad I could help. 🙂
ReplyThank you. Much needed <3
Reply