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Hello. Please don't judge me. The background is a bit long so please bare with me. I am a Hindu Brahmin coming from North India. So I think you got how my family is. They are educated and my mom herself was a professor prior to her wedding, but she left it after her marriage.
The issue is that I really like this French guy. I have never met someone like him. I can discuss everything with him and he doesn't judge me at all. A few days ago he asked me to introduce him to my parents. I made excuses. He asked me to be honest but i couldn't be. I tood him we don't introduce someone like this. So, after that he said how about our parentd meeying each other. I felt like running away. I tried to explain him that it is almost impossible for me to do so because I ll become numb in front of my parents. Also, maybe some domestic violence and I would be married off to someone. On top of this, my relatives. Lot of defamation. Typical Indian things. To be honest, he is white. He says he is an atheist. His cultire, food habits, etc., are very different from ours. Atheism is not an issue. It doesn't matter at all. But, the culture and him being a white guy and also his supposed faith matters a lot to my society. I don't know how to explain. The moment I talk about him, I am sure my parents are going to slap me and I can't even imagine what else might happen.
They will judge him saying that he is white so he must be drinking, characterless, etc. My relatives will make my life hell and I ll feel like I am the worst person on this planet. My family takes pride in being Hindu, but they don't really follow Hinduism. We have no compulsion in our faith, not even a belief in God. But, they don't understand this. Simply because I think 99 percent of Hindus never read their texts. It's not their fault because we have a library of philosophies and they don't want to seek. So i feel in this respect he is more of a hindu as compared to my entire family because he follows the doctrines like seeking and not believing etc. But, I know none of these arguments are going to work for my family.
He told me that I am an independent woman. He doesn't understand that in Indiaa, we remain children until we get married. All my independence gets vanished in front of my family. Also, I have these bad nightmares and see horrible things. This makes me more terrible. I don't know what to do. I feel so miserable. I think I should have been more careful and shouldn't have let this happen. But, I was so overwhelmed. He was a very popular person in our batch. Also, very chill and calm who used to assess things from different perspectives. I could do nothing.
Now, I don't know what to do. I feel like jumping off a window. How long can we continue like this. Someday i would have to tell about him. I don't even what to imagine the consequences. But, I imagine them all the time these days. I feel like I am getting mad. Maybe I am very weak. I cannot stand my family, relatives and society. I am stupid. I have always done whatever I was told to do. There was no scope for argument. But, this time I really want something of my choice. I don't know what to say.
On the top of this, his parents never married each other. His mom has a boyfriend. His grandparents have had weird lives. All this will be looked by everyone as a scandle. Also, I fear my uncles might beat him up if I take him to meet them. I remember once I told him that I will tell my parents that you are kashmiri Hindu because you are so white and we ll color your hair. Stupid right. But, that time I felt itvwould work somewhere. Brainless. I am brainless. Death of reason. I feel i would also die soon of yhis sadness. I wish life were simple. How does these things matter at all. But they do
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Pacify yourself and start sorting things out. Tell him the truth and try to start with your cousin or sisters. If God has made you as partners..no one can separate you.
ReplyYou and him can run away together and elope. Leave a note for your family so that they won't worry about you and try to find you.
Replyhey... I'm a south indian hindu bramhin... i can totally understand you.... u know what just try your best to make your parents understand if u feel he is the love of ur life and he deserves you....however strict your parents might be, when it comes down to happiness of their daughter, they will choose your happiness over societal obligations.
one of my cousin got married to an european girl in january ....we all attended the wedding on zoom call including his parents....though his parents became emotional...they were happy for him....
all the best.....
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