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Just venting, expressing, and questioning my own insanity.
I didn't have intercourse with a woman for the last three years. It matter of time, I might go back to the dark past during my youthful days. I was good at my formal career. That only task I was good at. However, it does come back to haunt me. My PTSD kicks in. But, I left that career and I vowed not to go back or revisiting the past. Now, COVID-19 lockdown, stupid people are everywhere, and true love is dying out. I might do it again for the criminal underworld. Also, I try to find a woman with suitable traits and acceptable flaws. Unfortunately, thanks to social media, setting high bar standards, toxicity feminist influences, women wanting a man with unrealistic standards, and making a false accusation for no reason. It making it worst and I want to go back. At this rate, losing more interest in women. There are paid services. But, I don't want to risk it during covid and paid extra. Hopefully, this will be over soon. My current job is helping me to get through, But, it makes me sad at the same time. But, this job is a little safe and mentor the next generation from not repeating the same mistake. To any women or guys? I just need a little motivation or hope to find a woman in love. I just want don't spill more mess or become someone that I did not mean to be, before it too late.
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You hit rock bottom before you are able to climb higher than ever.
Times are rough, I understand that. Unrealistic standards are everywhere and believe me when I say that not all women are the type to criticize every small detail/trait a man has. You just need to give yourself more time. The right person is out there. It may take a few tries with other people, a few failed relationships but this allows you to learn things that will help you in the relationship that will last until your death and beyond.
However, in saying all that you don't necessarily need someone to feel loved. You need to love yourself first, value yourself in order to attract positive and genuine people. I know that it is hard to love oneself but it is an important thing in life. Be proud of who you are, how far you've come. Be positive, show positivity and your life will become it.
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