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I've always loved my father less than my mother. I denied it when I was younger, and I wasn't really thinking about comparing love between the two. But as I get older I realized it. I think my dad doesn't understand why I don't want to spend time with him, thinking that he's been a good father. Even my mom doesn't understand why I act differently toward him. He treated my mom badly I think, I can't even say for sure because logically I know how he acted was wrong. But my mom stayed with him, she didn't go through with the divorce. She speaks good of him, saying how he's been a good father but then mentions how she's scared shes "ruined me" by staying with him. I would also say his opinions on others are outdated. Not liking certain groups of people, assuming that all of them are the same, and they can't be trusted. When I'm in the group of people, and he doesn't realize it. It's scary knowing that if my secret got out I'd have to run away. Or I'd end my parents marriage, because my father has stated multiple times he understood how someone could disown their child over something like that. I think about what would it be like if my mom divorced him sometimes. I know I'd be staying closer with my family members I barely see. I'd start a new school, new life, which doesn't sound bad. I wouldn't see him much. Which isn't a negative thing, but I guess it's not entirely positive because I hate how I still feel something towards him. It sucks. I wish life wasn't like this. I can't tell anybody about these problems because I feel like I'm stupid thinking that these things are a problem, I should be happy.
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