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I like doing nice things for him. But I can't do a nice thing without a tinge of mischief. It would be against my nature to scheme a bit and not cause a little curiosity and a whisper of fear. I like it when he's just a little bit nervous. Because he knows that I would never do something to hurt him. But he's also aware that I like to make him nervous which is a bit funny. But I have something sweet in the works. Like, disgustingly so. I'm putting together a picnic for us. Which can sound basic but for someone like me I, of course, had to make it needlessly complicated. I have to sprinkle in bits of memories and things we've done and like doing together into it. A bit of food from our first date. A pot of our favorite tea that I introduced to him. One of his favorite snacks that I've never had. Board games or card games that brought us together again. A dessert that we find ourselves craving a lot and never actually consume. A smattering of reminiscent tea sandwiches. The first thing we baked together. All nice things. I might write him a note. But I want this to be a big part of telling him how much he means to me. I give him little notes on occasion so he can keep them and read them whenever he wants to. He always finds them very sweet and appreciates them. Part of me wants to do the same with this because he's been so grateful in the past. But another part of me wants to say it, wants to tell him, wants him to hear it. I think that would be a nice thing. I got myself a nice little outfit to wear. I have two very distinct and separate styles and I know he likes very much when I appear a bit softer and delicate. Of course, he appreciates my darker style as well (he says it's how I look in his head so it feels more like me). I really hope I can convince him to wear something nice without spoiling the surprise. He's got this cute cardigan, I hope he wears that. I want to get some pictures of us together. Wearing dapper clothes, having a lovely picnic, enjoying each other's company, making more memories. It'll be a nice thing to have. His favorite picture of us is, embarrassingly, from our high school graduation. I want him to have a new favorite already! I'm hoping it'll come from this. I want pictures nice enough to have printed, he had some printed from his birthday. They're cute and I like them too but they're a little low quality. I want to print some new ones for him to add to his collection of nice things. I imagine pictures of us sitting on my grey blanket under a tree in a park or a field, the basket between us and the variety of snacks laid out before us. Him in his adorable cardigan and me in a wonderfully soft sweater, showing him all the things I'd brought to surprise him with. Telling him what they represent and embarrassing myself with my own sentiment. Enjoying the food, laughing together, remembering all the times we've shared. And hopefully I'll have the moxie to tell him how much I care about him and appreciate him being part of my life. It isn't *just* a nice thing. It's a test of bravery for me.
I hope I pass.
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