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I guess for a while I thought I was struggling because of all the online lectures but today we had an important clinical skills practice in person. Suddenly I realised that face to face everything is so much worse. I felt like my friends hated me. As if everyone was judging me. Like everyone hated me. That the teachers were sick of me. It kept repeating in my head that no body wanted me there. That none of the cared about me.
No one asked about my medical appointment the other day. Not even my friend's cared that I had to have a tube up my nose for 24hours. No one cares at all. They can't tell I'm struggling. I told them all I hadn't started my assignment like everyone else has and they didn't even ask me why I hadn't done it. They kept leaving me to talk to other people. Everyone gets on with each other other than me.
I'm home alone right now sat with my suicide letter from a couple of months back on the floor. Shame that time didn't work then I wouldn't be feeling like this right now. It's not often I'm home alone, I live with other students. I could simply just hang myself off the bannister. No one would find me until later on tonight. I could just go.
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i felt the same, when i went to school.
then I didn't go there for a couple of days lmao
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