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I hate him. I loathe him... I keep searching deep in my heart to see the love that I may still have for him... Maybe it's lost somewhere in there, but I can't seem to find it anymore. More like it died like the light from the candle that has burned out.
This saddnes just keeps building up. Turning to hatred and guilt. Hatred for him and guilt for the decision that I made.
This evil hatred of mine just keeps brewing. Is it bad of me to wish for his death everyday? Is it evil of me to think his death will give me freedom?
My conscience guilt laughs at me everyday. I have no one else to blame but me. There are plenty of men out there and I choose to settle my life with this vile man. He clothes me, feeds me, shelters me. It's love he says. However, his words poison his actions.
It's always a punishment for every mistake.
It's always do what he says when he say, no questions ask.
It's always his rules.
I hate him. I loathe him. His death will bring me my freedom. I wish he would disappear from my life. Sadly I'm not strong enough, physically or mentally. The only thing I can do now is wish... Wish for his death. For once in my life, I have embraced this small evil darkness inside me.
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You need to get right away from this man because your hatred for him is poisoning you. You can find the strength to leave him unless you have an excuse (or excuses for staying).
What happens when you can't live with your hatred for him any more? You are already saying his death will bring you your freedom so what will happen to you when one day you have had enough and you kill him and try to hide his body? The wish for his death can one day become a terrible crime.
Start looking for a way to get away from him now and keep looking until you actually do leave.
He sounds like he is the head of the house and not letting you tell him what to do at all so you can't stand this and now your feelings have grown to hating him.
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