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Do you ever feel so unnormal that everything around is just a movie set, but the director just keeps changing his mind. As through my mind is a conflict of action, like loops of different degrees of things happening in. Voices telling me that I am my own person but should follow strict society guide lines. Its a ball of stress that I can never outrun, and im getting tired yet i also dont want to fall behind and die. My mind is a game and everyones watching to see if i can beat the rest of them let alone myself. They see you as competition, therefore they judge when really all they are saying is what their own mind is telling them. Theres no way of defeating the ball, it just gets bigger and bigger and until i quit the game. My way of outrunning it is by getting so far ahead that i can take time to slow down, through lists. They organize me so that I can run fast enough without tripping over an obstacle. But even then with the lists, resting in the game can just be as equally as deadly, too long and the ball has the chance to catch me.
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