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One of my best friends self-harms, she has told her parents and she goes to therapy, but I'm the only one who knows how bad it is. She recently went to the ER for her cuts because her family was worried it was infected, once she was there it got turned into a very traumatic experience for her and they almost checked her into psych for a bit. Our friend group, or those who know, are doing our best to support her but like I've said I'm the only one she feels comfortable enough talking to about how bad it is and how much of a compulsion it now is for her.
After she got back from the ER her anxiety meds were altered and they took away her razors, she also isn't allowed to be alone for long periods of time because of how bad it is. She was six days sober. And then because I'm worried about her I asked how many days she was sober, not to be intrusive but I want to support her every step of the way. I don't know if that was an okay thing to ask but it doesn't matter because she confided in she that she had self-harmed the evening before. She said that "being allowed to shower on her own is wonderful" because "I can cut with the blades I hid".
And I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should tell anyone about the razors because that'd be breaking her trust and right now she needs me more than ever but I'm scared. I'm scared because she seemed so proud of being able to self-harm and getting away with it. In short, I'm worried about her and I don't know what to do, any advice?
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Don’t hide her cutting from the other people. You said it yourself that she needs you— which is exactly why you should tell someone. She needs you to be there for her, to keep her safe from herself. Don’t hide a habit like this even if trust is a factor.
Once you tell someone, yes it is true she might be hesitant to trust you at first, but once she is completely sober and on her feet again she’ll thank you for saving her life.
Please, tell someone before something tragic happens. It’s the right thing to do albeit a difficult one.
ReplyThere is no one best thing to do and obviously everyone’s situation is different but this is my take as someone who self harms: she’s not going to stop until she WANTS to stop so telling someone about the razors is just going to be seen a break in trust. Taking away the razors isn’t going to do anything anyway because she’ll find other ways. Support her as a friend but it isn’t your job to fix her. If she comes to you asking you to help her quit then that’s another story. Her parents know and she is in therapy so the responsibility is off of you.
ReplyYou should tell so that she can go into psych to learn to stop doing this.
ReplyPoint of view from an ex-cutter, me. #1) Don't tell on her. That's what she's subconsciously looking for, to see if you will betray her so she can alienate herself from you as well as everyone else. Trust me, this is what we do even if we don't realize it.
#2) Don't indulge her with pity. Again, this is what she is subconsciously looking for, and if she gets it then it will reinforce the idea that cutting elicits a good reaction.
#3) BUT this is the important part, Don't get angry or "tough" with her and tell her to stop. Again, this would be a "betrayal" and grounds to alienate herself from you. Because in her mind you would be come like all the others.
You're in a very VERY difficult position, and if you would rather just walk away then that's one option. Tell her very nicely that you're having a really hard time trying to be her trusted friend while watching her so something that you cannot condone. And leave it at that.
Or if you are ready for the challenge of your life, you can remain her friend and listen to her stories of cutting but make it clear that, while you're there to give her support, you do NOT think it's ok what she's doing.
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