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Is that I never speak up my thoughts or even try noting them down. Another thing, I feel suffocated, tight inside my chest and head and can't breathe normally, at night usually. It happens in the middle of my sleep too. I can't answer anything clearly. I lack the expression to express. The suffocation part, is dreadful. I can't describe it. To escape from it, I do other things. I used to draw but I can't anymore. I can't even concentrate on my studies. I've been an insomniac since last 2 years and I'm pretty sure that nothing works for me. I'm a waste of life, I think sometimes. I don't have anything to offer my parents, they can't take my name out somewhere proudly. I don't have anything under my name. My talent is to be a loser. I've realised it not too long ago. I'm a miserable sister too. Whatever I try to do for my sibs I always end up on bad side. Whatever or however I try to help them it never goes right. They say I always hurt them, I don't understand them I don't this I don't that. I really never wanted to do any of that, but my way always comes out in wrong way. I'm a very bad sister. Very bad daughter. Too bad to be person. I don't want to hurt anyone. But why do they feel like that. I have stopped crying for a while now, no matter how hard I try I can never cry. This is the first time I actually looked inside myself and searched that why I am the way I'm now. I hate it. I could be better I know, I used to be better. But a very bad event of my life changed me to worst. I'm a prison inside my own mind. I don't care about what others think of me now, I used to be self aware and conscious about myself. I used to work on to do things myself. But that is an old story. Whatever, all I know is that I have a note on my home screen saying YAW. Saying you are waste in letters. That note reminds me that I've reduced myself so low that I don't realise I'm playing with my own self now. Given that there's no Savior in my life or any friend who'll help me to come out all of this, I know one thing for sure. That I need to clear it up myself. But I'm too twisted to get back now. I'm figuring it out and that's my problem for a meanwhile.
Thanks for reading.
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Well done for sharing this, it is very brave. From what you have written it seems like you are a very thoughtful person by trying to help your siblings, even if this is not what they need at that moment, you are showing that you care. This is a positive trait of yours. Please remember that there is always someone out there who is willing to listen and support you
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