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I gave my virginity to my ex and he was more interested in what song was playing when we did it, then straight after he said that we had too meet up with his friends. He went down stairs then until we left, now I just get really nervous after me and my current boyfriend do it. But all he does is cuddles me and gives me water that he got me before we did it. I feel really loved , however sometimes when in doggie position I start to cry because I have Flash backs from being sexually assaulted when I'm little he instantly stops and sits with means comforts me.
I don't know how to tell him, I just feel guilty for making him stop midway sex.
Help me, idk what to do.
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I am so sorry about your assault. The fact that you were little at the time too is horrifying. It's great to know that your boyfriend understands your boundaries and respects them when you are uncomfortable, and I believe he'll understand if you explain about your sexual trauma. Set aside some time when neither of you are busy (after work, school, etc) and sit down with him. Take your time in explaining it, and outline which positions you would not be able to perform as well as other measures to protect yourself. Don't rush into this if you're uncomfortable. Find a suitable date and do it when you're mentally ready, and prior to this, tell your boyfriend that you need time to muster up the confidence/morale, etc to let him know.
I am not experienced in giving advice in matters like this, but as someone who has endured sexual harassment as a child, I hope that you are able to heal well in as comfortable of a process as possible and that you remain safe during this pandemic. <3
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