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It’s hard to live and go on when you think that your traumas are the only thing that represent you. It’s hard to try being happy when you wake up every morning and you have to look in the eyes of those who caused all that. It’s hard to go on when you see people around you don’t understand what you go through, maybe can’t believe you live in such situation. It’s hard for me to express myself, when I live in a family of people that don’t know each other. I just wanted a “normal” life, I hate living in this constant fear that something may happen, that someone may say something wrong and a war may start, I hate living in this squalor and keep sitting at a silent dining table every day. Today, at Father’s Day, I feel the heaviness of this ugly, lonesome life I’ve been given a little more than the other days, because it seems so weird to me that people around the world are celebrating their dads while I don’t have a dad, while still having a dad at home. The only thing that makes me go on is the hope that one day, I might never see these faces again and that I might have an happier life, even though I feel like I don’t deserve it, I don’t really know why, but I hope, and if I didn’t have hope and this stupid patience, I don’t know if I still was on this earth tbh because what I’m living right now, it’s not worth it.
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I had a dreadful childhood with a horrible mother and hating school so I went through it with hope that when I left school and home things would change for the better. I still had things go wrong at times after I left but everything was better than being at school and having to put up with that bitch of a mother. They say life is what you make it so if you put your mind to it you will be happy later on.
Replyit's ok. it'll be ok. the future isn't set in stone. just hold on, for you :)
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