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I alone will never find this peace of mind I so desperately need. I have to ask God for help. I feel that only with divine intervention will I really calm down. since no medicine works inside me and since I can not apply any advice. some perfect time to be alone, in my room I have to be devoted and with all my spiritual strength, I wish good things to happen to me. but I believe that this has already happened to me spontaneously, without planning it. I have not felt it only once: there were times when I started to cry so loudly that my head really hurt. in those intense moments I felt inside that it was like praying to God in my tears. god will be in tears.
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