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I've written quite a bit about my ex who tore me apart once we ended things. at a softball sleepover (because we're on the same team), on Friday night, she asked if we could talk. it was 3:30 in the morning. her current girlfriend who is also on the softball team, were on the back deck. I don't really have a lot of motivation to get into the story. but I was happy because I've been wanting to tell her every emotion I've been feeling for the past 3 or 4 months. which a lot, and I thought I was finally going to be able to let it all out. but no. she bashed my feelings. she told me she hates seeing me, she only remembers the bad memories, I'm the reason she cut herself, I'm the reason she's suicidal, I'm the reason for everything bad that happened. which is far from the truth. she told me we were never good for each other. she acted like she did nothing wrong. she tore me apart with words I never wanted to hear. she had her girlfriend outside because she refuses to talk to me alone. she refuses to be in a room alone with me. I felt as if my feelings didn't matter anymore. her girlfriend, Lexi, is one of the most wonderful people I have ever met. and I hate it. because I'm so jealous. I went home the next day. that night, I blamed all of hurt on me, which is the truth. I'm the reason for her pain, and I feel like my feelings don't matter to anyone. I've never cut myself until 2 nights ago. I have scars on my leg and my left wrist because I feel like I deserve it. there's so much to the story and if you're reading this, it's going to be hard to understand. I'm typing my thoughts at this exact moment and whatever I'm typing Is just coming out of my feelings. I deserve this pain. she doesn't deserve it. I'm so sorry Cora.
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You didn't do anything wrong. Even if you were part of her pain there's no way you were the sole reason or even the main reason. You seem like a person who's just trying to do the right thing even in your turmoil. Also, she hurt you. Even if you weren't in this situation, she said things to you that aren't okay. Think about the fact that you specifically stated that her girlfriend is a good person. You didn't say anything about her. In the long run she wasn't good for you and it seems like she did a lot more to you than you did to her.
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