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1-2 years ago I lost my grandmother and she meant the world to me. She practically raised me most of the time because my mom was working constantly when I was younger. She called me 19 days before she died and I was at the skating rink with friends and was too selfish to find a quiet place to talk so Instead I told her I couldn't call. 19 days later she died due to a chemo reaction and I wondered if she knew she was dying. I never got to say goodbye or go to the funeral and I heard she looked horrible after she died like blue. I miss her so much and to think I was too selfish to talk for a few minutes kills me.
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I am so sorry you had to go through that. I lost my grandpa 2 years ago. He had to celebrate his birthday, thanksgiving, Christmas, and New years in a hospital bed and I would have done anything to help him get better. The last time I got to talk to him was on his birthday before sadly passing away 5 days later after I got out for Spring Break. I no longer like Spring break because I chose to go to school rather than visiting him in the hospital. I blamed myself for so long and I know he still loves me. I know your grandmother loves you so much. And I know she is so proud of you for staying strong and healthy. I write letters to my grandpa every year on his birthday just to feel like I'm talking to him again. I tell him how I've grown, all my problems, what I'm going through in school, and it actually helps. It feels like I'm actually able to hear his voice again. And I know you'll find something that will make you feel the same way. Like, you're able to talk to her again. You are not selfish for this. She knows you love her so much. And I know she's very proud of you today. Stay safe and I hope you know she loves you so much and you are not anywhere near selfish.
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