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this is my goodbye letter to you for the time being that you will never see. I have so many questions that I cant ask you because I respect you and your relationship. I find that I've been holding on to the hope that you and your girlfriend would soon break up and then you could come back to me. "one more week. ok two more weeks. no way they last more that three more weeks." and on and on. I keep coming up with excuses. "maybe he's only with her cause he thinks he cant be with me." "maybe he's been hurt in the past and he's afraid of commitment" "maybe he thinks I don't care." so I tried. I tried for a long time to show you I cared. to show you that I wanted to be your friend (and maybe more but you never knew that). You always sent me mixed signals. dragging me on. maybe unknowingly or maybe you knew what you were doing. I guess I don't know. I don't know what could have been and I find that im growing tired of dwelling on it. you said all these nice things that only confused me more. to this day I am still confused. why would you say those things if you obviously didn't mean them. for gods sake one time you called me "love". do you know how that affected me? the butterflies that gave me? you probably do. that's probably why you said it. you would get off the game to talk to me. you said you only did that for me and that you'd never done that for another girl. well I bet you do that for your girlfriend. I took your clinginess for granted. I told you I hated it but I really loved it. You made me feel special. Like I actually meant something to you. and maybe I'm being dramatic. maybe you never took any of it seriously or gave it a second thought. maybe you talk to all girls like that. you told me you wouldn't hurt me again. well you lied. you stopped texting. you stopped wanting to FaceTime. you stopped wanting to just talk. I just want to talk. I miss you. I miss your voice and your charm. I even miss the way you knew how to make me mad and did it for fun. when you and your girlfriend first started dating and I thought that you guys would not make it past a month. because that was how all your other relationships were and how was she different? well now were almost to month 3. which may not seem like a lot but for you it is. I don't foresee it ending soon either. I am tempted to find a way to break you guys up just to be petty but I won't do that. I want you to choose me. But I don't think you will. I might have told you how I feel by now if you weren't dating her. I fear you may find out soon. That scares me. I dont want to be that girl. anyways, I wish things were different. But they aren't. and you know what? that's ok. Maybe it's just not meant to be. and im not saying I expected to marry you or anything but you are the only guy I find mild interest in currently. Maybe we'll find our way to each other in the future. But I do know that I don't want to be your rebound. you seem serious about your girlfriend so im sure it might be a little hard when you break up. im not gonna be your rebound. and that kind of hurts because I know it will just be even longer that we can't be together. If you even want that. I wish you would just reject me so I can move on. But how can you reject me if you don't even know how I feel? and telling you is not an option. so I've decided to stop talking to you. I need to move on. and im not gonna promise to wait for you. so im gonna delete the playlists I made about you. im gonna stop thinking about you. im gonna focus on other things. I wish you the best and maybe one day we'll cross paths again.
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I hope you find your true love. Cheers :)
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