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This is how worthless communication is in the 21st century. *TW* SELF HARM
3 years ago · 2 · Self Harm, +3
482
I just wrote 2 emails, answered 4 texts, all happy and full of smileys and upbeat thoughts. All of this I typed with my fingers as they dripped with my own blood. Nobody knows, nobody will ever know, because nobody really bothers to communicate. The world is full of snappy texts with smileys and upbeat thoughts, but who is really on the other end? How many times do we really stop to ask, "No really, I sense something's wrong. What is going on?" How often do we care enough to really *know* these people whom we call our friends?
Not enough to stop me from carving myself up.
Not enough to stop me from doing worse next time.
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I don't know if this is going to help at all but...
I hope you're doing okay
I don't wanna seem a lecturer or anything, because I myself am in a pretty bad shape but please don't hurt yourself
I know it's hard, trust me I do. But hurting yourself physically is not gonna heal the pain you're bottling up inside.
Take care of yourself. If not for anyone else, then do it for this stranger that's rooting for you.
Good luck, friend <3
ReplyI'll be throwing some assumptions and hope to get it somewhat right with the advice.
You might want people to reach out and help you get through your feelings.
You might be frustrated that they don't.
You might feel angry that what you write is more to placate them than to reflect how you really feel.
And mostly, you know you're hurting, and you hurt yourself. Maybe to reflect the hurt on the inside.
These are not judging from my side, because I know how you feel. Been there, done that.
I describe it like an addiction in my case, one I'm very careful not to fall back on when I'm distressed and alone, when I'm bored and numb, when everything is too much.
I'd love to tell you what to do to make this go away, but I don't have a solution. I just have a story with some good tips on how to help yourself when you feel ready to do so.
I made it out because I made people hold me accountable for it. I told people I went through patches of nothingness in which I was desperate to feel something, anything. They told me they'd be there, but they could not help me if I didn't show I needed help. They couldn't read my mind through text, no matter how much I wanted them to.
I don't ask for help, I hate it. I feel like a burden, like I owe them something if they help me out. But they're persistent, and tell me that it's their issue to deal with if they ever think I'm a burden. That I have to trust they'll let me know if it ever is like I imagine. So I just let it be.
I send out a mass text of me not feeling well, and someone'll pick up, yell at me for being stupid (something I asked them to do, and need), they keep me company, they help. But only because I let them. I give them the option to help.
And when it comes to the worst case scenario, there's people out there for people that self-harm. They're strangers that want to help, so with a simple text they can keep me from going back into bad habits.
I could be preachy and say it gets better, my solutions are guaranteed and you'll make it. But I don't do that, because I personally hate it.
So I'll say this. If you wrote this to begin with, you want people to hear you. That's valid and fair.
I'm listening, I know how it is, it sucks. But let impulse write a text without laughing faces, LOL, LMAO and hearts. A simple "I need your help. Call me." is worth everything to those you love and that love you.
You deserve help. So scream, and let them help.
Good luck out there.
Reply