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I never understood myself. I never liked relationships, but I craved one. I would get mad at people for not wanting one but I knew I would be the one to be unfaithful. It was like I just knew I hated myself so much that any love I got I wanted. I would talk to people online, at work, & any social media I could think of all while “loving someone”. I would cry thinking of how bad of a person I was, when I broke it off I couldn’t even tell them why because I knew it was all me, I was too much of a pussy to even be honest about it. I disappointed myself everyday. I just think it’s the past that made me this way but I just blame myself. I should be better but I just revert back. I’m so confused in life. I just want to be better but it’s so hard I can’t do it. Glad you read my shit ramble. Hope you’re better than me.
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You're confession hits home for me. I am the same person. I never feel like i can ever find a person who i can love forever. It's like i have so much love but somehow i feel like i wont be able to be with a same person for ever. I crave love, I crave affection but SOMEHOW i FEEL LIKE I WILL BE THE ONE WHO WILL BREAK THE RELATIONSHIP LIKE i have done before. Which is why I never get into a relationship, because it's easier to be hurt yourself than to drag someone else with you.
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