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I find myself in this sad situation : I have a friend which is pretty central in our team. He has a strong personality and lives with me and another friend. I personally am very needy in terms of affection, and have most of my very close friends in the group. I am having issues to fit in the group when he is there. In general, I have issues with groups, but in this case I also think our personalities are not very compatible. He is loud, confident and likes attention but also knows how to get it. I have the feeling that I am becoming slowly obsessed with him. I need to solve this, with him or myself because it's becoming very unhealthy the way I am always daydreaming about being either persecuted by him or standing up to him.
While I often wonder if he is simply a jerk, If I am simply getting bored with how he acts or I if I am putting my issues, jealousy and hate on him : I conclude that it's probably a mix of the three. I am ready to work hard on myself to solve this issue, but I wonder how to go on about it. How to stop thinking of him in such a dislikeable manner? I know I have confidence issues, and that most of this situation is a case of me being frustrated by some things, like the fact that I have needs which are out of my control : Like attention and the need of love, doubts in the direction I am taking in life, the whole Covid situation which is not helping etc.. And this is mixed with deep complexes which I have developed with my friends, and that I haven't solved.
These issues with friends seem common. To be envious or even jealous is something one often sees. But deep down I find it sad, life is so short and wish I could concentrate my life on appreciating and creating beauty and happiness and not becoming the bitter person I am right now.
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Is it self-imposed that you surround yourself with this extrovert? If yes, then perhaps find "greener pastures"? If it is not self-imposed, then "charge him rent" for living in your head. If he won't pay it, evict him. It's a metaphor. Best of luck.
Also, keep in mind everyone is gifted, even as simple a gift as "sight" that someone born blind would give their life to have. Time is more precious than gold; spend it wisely using your gifts.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
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