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I was doing so so well for a while. I made varsity, I was losing weight, I actually liked the way I looked in the mirror. Then our season ended. Then I got overwhelmed with work and school and all of the monsters in my head telling me I wasn’t good enough came back. I’m gaining the weight again. I’m not supposed to. I’m supposed to be skinny this summer. I’m supposed to be desirable, the girl the guys at the beach stop and stare at for a few seconds because she’s just so beautiful. But I’m not that girl. I’m pale and freckled and heavy and ugly and I want to just curl into a ball until I can wear my oversized clothes again. I want help. I want to get healthy but I don’t have the time and when I finally do, I spend it sinking into this bottomless pit of self pity. My friends are leaving again. I don’t think they like me anymore. Our conversations happen less and less frequently. My family thinks I’m a burden. They think I’m happy with myself and only make those snide remarks because I’m confident. I’m not confident. I’m tired and weak and empty and I just wish I could do everything over again. Tell myself to stop eating sooner. Never gain that extra 20lbs. Make sure my relationships actually last. I just wish I was happy. That’s all I want and I don’t think it’ll ever happen.
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girl you got this. get back on your game. Fuck the haters. Your weight is not the thing you should worry about. because your beautiful and i can tell. Just by the way you talk. you are real you have pain you have real things going on in your life. You are the only person that knows exactly what your going through. No one else has been through your head when your having mental breakdowns, sucky days, sucky nights, family problems, and everything else. Really ask yourself who do you want to be and be that person. It will take time and tears. But you got it. get that back babe you got this.
ReplyHappiness is when you are content with yourself and your life, and when you don't want something more.
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