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It is pretty exhausting feeling like you are the problem all the time. Feeling like I can't vent because my concerns affect others. I'm stuck between pleasing others and standing up for myself. I just want... reciprocity. I just want to be THAT person. I just want someone to be truly proud of me. I want so desperately to let someone in. It's just not happening. I noticed my comment got popular on Reddit today. It was fun, I felt seen. Ha. Funny how ironic life is sometimes. Someone wrote "what is happening to you is just awful. Degrading. What a way to affect any woman's self worth", and boy-oh-boy was she right. I'm tired to feel like just my mere existence is doomed to hurt others. Just by breathing. No empathy. I feel alone in this chamber of darkness. I feel left out. By life.
I'm in such a need to hold on to something nice. And I have nothing. Thank you all for being here for me. Thank you for trying SO HARD to save me. Thank you, just... thanks.
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