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That's all this is. I'm still stuck at some point in my life, asleep, and the rest of this has all just been me hallucinating. It explains why the world has gone so bat shit crazy, why I just can't seem to escape the memories, why everything is just so fucked up and most of all, why I just can't figure out how to get moving forward.
They say you can't die in your dreams, I suppose the only way to find out is by doing it. Either way, it's over. I'm ok with whatever comes after.
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I had night terrors as a young child, and the only way I got sleep was to endure; later in life, I attacked or befriended the beings in my dreams. I tried applying lucid dreaming methods in the waking world; it kind of works, but life is trying to continue its cycle as it has for endless ages: Equal parts joy for equal parts suffering. Getting my life finally in a hopefully sustainable direction felt akin to a blood offering, all parts always being at room temperature emotionally for circumstances. Something has to burn to keep light going and warmth radiating.
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