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Hello there,
*trigger warning: talk of self-harm*
I have been trying to see a therapist for two months now but because something is always happening, I have missed my sessions three times. Sometimes I feel so unmotivated, so unwilling to do the slightest thing, yet I know I want to do it and really really want to but can push myself to do ANYTHING. I live such a nice life and I am so grateful for those around me, but sometimes I feel like the world is crashing down and everything is painful. I KNOW that I would never leave this world voluntarily because I know the pain that comes to those who stay and I honestly have way too much to look forward to in life to let it go to waste. But then I feel so hurt and sad. I do not wish to self-harm again, but I feel the need to do so sometimes.. I haven't done it in eight years but when I am in a bad place I close my eyes and imagine myself cutting the flesh on my thigh again. It hurt but it felt so relieving... I just want to get my work done and live my dreams but why is it when I am in this place everything seems less important and I just want to be a slob... I hate myself for this. Why can't I be efficient like my peers, why am I not on my A-game? What can I do? Why do I feel like this?
Thanks for reading. I'll be trying to do work...
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