What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
Have you ever noticed the sadness in your words, your voice, your eyes, your posture? Isn't that even sadder than the sadness itself? It ill-suits you, it doesn't suit anyone well. I want to embrace my sad self, and tell her that she does not need to suffer. She can leave them all. She can let go of all the weigh. It was never yours anyway. You were too little, you believed in everyhing you were told. You didn't know about the darkness the people contain in themselves, and that they inflict pain in others to feel happy. I remember the grinning faces when something slightly bad happens to me. They were not even big things, but it made them happy. Oh, how happy they might have been when then broke my computer, when someone yelled at me, when I didn't get a subject at first. The problem is it's never enough for them! They addicted to other people's suffering. Sick bastards. They think their cruelness is cleverness; but they are talentless morons! And, they can't even see clearly. They don't want admit, but I've actutally grown so much despite the bullying. And, the lightness of the heart that is devoid of evil! They don't know it. I am healing all the wounds, and I'd already started with much less darkness than them. So, I'm always beyond them.
I think we all just should learn to live with this, the evil people. We cannot depend on anything concrete, anything worldly. When you have your light inside you, there is nothing you look for in others in the outside. And, if there is nothing valuable on the outside, you can let them go because they are worthless.
I am not mad at myself because of the sensitiveness I have. I won't judge the wounds, the sad and angry thoughts. But I don't think these are my essence either. I love my shadows, I know the valuable experiences that caused them. And, I know that in order to use these experiences I need to transform the bad emotions attached to them. It's no use torturing yourself. And, when people see you are invincible, in fact you get better, the more you suffer, they have no other choice but to leave you alone. Because god forbid, they might help you!
I know these are unskillful thoughts. I was very much shocked, when discovered all my life I've been abused. It wasn't even like victimhood, because I actually did very well despite the circumstances. It was like giving myself the right finally, to accept that I did very well. Because it all seems to be doom and gloom when I look back, and I couldn't see where I've been going for so long. Now I'm embracing my war torn self. She's still in a good shape. Can you feel the empowerment? Even in sadness, I know I just need some time off to heal. Oh, my yearning to be alone has evoken! That's a bit bad, because I don't have the opportunity of that. But it's alright, I've never really had anything afterall. However it really bothers me that I've been accustomed to lack. It's like there is part of me that only expects lack. I'm embracing and giving her love, but she cries. She's not really used to it. She looks at the earth, the plants and animals; and she see they all suffered too, just like her. It hurt her because everthing is so loving in nature. And abundant too. I think she would cry and be unconsolable if she finally experienced the true abundance. Because all through her life that was the thing that hurt her the most. Other things, she had somehow accepted. They were not her responsability after all. But the lack, the humiliation it caused, that was unacceptable. How can you defend your essence, if noone else is acknowledged it? She was confused. Did she believe in them? Maybe when she was little, but when she grew up she criticised them. That made the bad ones even more furious. I guess this is the hardest part, noone really wants the truth, I never had anything else to offer but the truth. The truth feels good, it heals you; but other people must be really the hell for you. I'll inquire about this. What can be done about this? I know we are all connected, but I don't understand the deeds of others. What is that bullying all about? Why? There must be some projection, but that can't be all there is. There are choices, there are things that I can't help. Let me go and cry about them some more.
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
I really liked this......you are very self aware.....hold on to your good......people will try to take it from you......kindness is not weakness but incredible strength.
Reply