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I feel like over this past year I have gotten more anxious than ever. I have such a terrible feeling all the time. I never feel relaxed and I’m always worrying. I think I have social anxiety because talking to people makes my heart beat too fast, I sweat too much, my throat is dry, my head spins. The only thing that’s clear in my mind is “Get away from this” and it’s starting to impact me heavily. I think this started to happen when my parents moved us to another city. Sure, it’s just a city away, but I miss my friends. I know some ppl from the new school but I’m pretty sure they don’t like me because of how bad I did during the sports season with them. Anxiety is all I feel. I didn’t feel this until recently last year during my volleyball season with the girls that are now at my new school, but performance anxiety has come to life all of a sudden. I feel like my legs can’t move, all I feel are eyes on me, I think that the parents are judging my body. (I’m skinny. High metabolism not anorexic). I push myself to eat but it’s so hard when my brain tells me I’m full after three bites and it’s awful because everyone seems to make fun of me for being so thin and all I can do is laugh because to them, being skinny is a blessing. I find myself holding in all of my emotions and then every few weeks I just break down. I just cry and cry and then go upstairs like nothing happened in my room. It’s hard when no one understands the anxiety I feel, I feel alone and like everything I say sounds like an excuse or stupid. I’m suffocating and it’s like bricks tied to my legs just keep pulling me down. My chest always feels heavy, I forgot how it feels to be relaxed.
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That’s anxiety. I know because I have it too.
ReplyThat's definitely anxiety. I have anxiety too (general, social, and performance). I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, it's horrible to go through.
It's so sad that people make fun of your body. Your body is beautiful, their opinions about your body are worthless.
I personally dealt with anxiety for so long that when I finally got treatment, I was shocked by the difference I made. I suggest you seek treatment if you're able to, medication and/or therapy is life-changing once you find the right fit. If not, try to make changes in your life. Personally, meditation has helped so much with my anxiety. It can be difficult but if you do a little meditation every day and you are patient with yourself, it gets easier. Deep-breathing exercises are helpful too and they can be easier. I also journal on Novni or on paper a lot. It's very helpful to get your feelings out. I got a weighted blanket for Christmas a couple years ago and I love it so much, the weight and the feel of the fabric are relaxing but I know that doesn't help everyone. Fresh air works wonder, I try to spend a lot of time outside, sometimes relaxing and meditating, sometimes exercising. Physical health and mental health are linked so taking care of one helps the other. It's very important to pay attention to your inner dialogue. I am constantly attacking myself. I'm always telling myself things like "You're so stupid. This is so easy, you can't even do this. Honestly, why do you even try. You're such a worthless person" but I try to change it things like "This is difficult. I know this is hard, everyone struggles with things differently. Just take a deep breath and keep trying, you're doing good! I'm proud of you" and this makes a huge difference. Forming new habits takes a lot of time so changing your inner dialogue is a lot of work and there will be setbacks but it's a really good change.
I understand that feeling of letting all the anxiety and messy feelings build up until it bursts and you just break and cry and feel the weight of the world on you. It's exhausting and you feel so alone and heavy and trapped. It hurts. Please remember you are not alone. Other people understand this feeling. I hope things get better for you <3
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