And I realized...I loved her.

So two years ago I had this friend group. We were like 13-ish and it was me and three other girls, we'll call them Evelin, Ida and Willow.

I'll have to be honest, this friendship didn't last long, actually just over the summer, but it was probably the best summer and the best friend group I will ever have. And that's the problem. I love my current friends, but lately they annoy me and I just get super frustrated with them.

Evelin and Ida are still friends, actually best friends till this day and they have kinda found a new friend group (again 4 girls) and they seem to have moved on. And I see them and I just ask myself "how ?" How could they just walk away from what we had so easily?

We separated after summer was over. It was almost as if our friendship and happy moments took the sunbeam and warm weather with it. Willow just stopped coming to school. She stopped texting and when Evelin went over to her house, she told her to stay away. She didn't come to school for about two months, and that's when I realized that I was in love with her. Deeply, madly in love. Before we were friends we hated each other. When we were friends, I convinced myself I didn't like her, subconsciously.

So days turned into weeks and weeks into months and in this time Ida and Evelin stared becoming close. They called each other very night, without me. They met up, without me. When I asked them about it, they shrugged it off. I remember standing right next to them and they whispered to each other. That was when I knew I had to leave them.

I quickly found new friends and in the beginning everything was great, except the fact that I was missing Willow. I couldn't do anything about it. I asked the teachers if I could visit her, they advised me not to, as the parents wouldn't want it. But on her birthday, I just couldn't anymore. I called and asked if I could come over and drop off a present. She said yes and I was super happy. When I saw her, my heart started beating so fast I thought it would fall out and that she could hear it.

She came back to school after the holidays. Our friend group didn't exist anymore, but she didn't knew that. I tried to be by her side in class and breaks, but she seemed..disappointed, lost and...empty. And it broke my heart. She stopped coming to school again and since wasn't there.

Our teacher told us she isn't even a student at the school anymore, because she signed out. Now, I look at our chats, I look at old pictures and videos of her and I just miss her so much. I read some more messages she had send me...and although we never knew why she stopped coming to school, I read that she was trying to drop little hints in her messages to me. But I just didn't realize that she wasn't doing great. I partly blame myself, even though I was "just a kid". It is now almost two years and I haven't heard from her. I could ask my teacher if I can visit her or if she knows anything, but should I?

And it's sad and funny and ironic, because until this day I wonder...did she love me too?

Thank you if you read until the bottom of this and sorry for any spelling mistakes, English isn't my first language. (Also I cried writing this). I really don't know what to do. I don't know if there is anything I can do. I have come out to my mum and a friend of mine, but my current friend group doesn't know it. As already mentioned they kind of annoy and frustrate me much.

Anyways, have a nice day/night/morning/ after noon. Bye! :)