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The Slow Girl
11 months ago · · spirituality,
Hi my name is slow girl, my mind is lost and I may need help. I don’t want any help though because burden and pride are my biggest enemies. Why does my mind race with my body? I can’t escape my mind like I can with my body. It restricts me from saying what I mean and keeps me quiet everyday. How is it that when I am alone I feel the most complete with my mind and body, though in public I feel like a nonentity. A pretty face and a secretive nature may lure you but know you will never understand the real beauty of my mind and the world through my eyes. The labyrinth that is my mind is inescapable and you will never seem to “get me”. I wish that I could take you on a detour in my head, but it’s too much. I feel the expansion of thoughts; ideas, information downloads, and love every second of the day.
I wish I could show you the love that drives me every morning. The love that drives me is not the love of self but the love of others and the unexplainable mysterious beauty that is the universe. Do you see now ? This is the reason why I can’t show you my all. I have to keep it hidden. I don’t want you trapped in there so for that reason my love for you will never be understood or shown. My mind will continue to race and you will continue to wonder what I’m staring at or what I’m thinking. You will never be able to heal me, my wounds, or understand me. I’ll continue on by myself because help does not run towards me it runs away. I’m always the one that you ask for help or advice from and I’m okay with that.
I’m sorry if I never showed you what you deserved, my love for you always triumphed in my head. I always thought that maybe if things were different I could be happy but reality fights my mind and fiction will always have the upper hand. I’m stuck, please don’t hate me, I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t occupy this body. I merely float over it. I can’t control; my emotions, my face, or my personality towards you; it’s all a facade. I don’t know who I am. My name holds no title over me. I know this is hard for you to understand so I will end here. I’m the slow girl who always laughs the emptiness away and I’m not okay but I’m ok with that.