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I self sabotage and self doubt. I try to run away when things are good. When things are good with my boyfriend and i start to get scared, my ex pops in my dreams, and because i know hes just toxic, we were toxic, and nothing good will come from him, but even though im so done with him, i know if i ask him to hook up he will and that means i can leave this good healthy relationship with someone i love so so much without being the one who got left, but i cant even do that to him, hes my best friend and deserves so much more than me. I run away when things get scary and real, I hate that i think this way. But im scared you will leave so i push you away little by little until you want to leave me yourself because you eventually will. But i just want to say, Im sorry.
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Hopefully you find a way out of this self-destructive cycle. Thinking back on several decades of experience - I can say that when faced with choices, the hardest choice is usually the correct choice. Best of luck.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
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