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A thousand times I love you. A thousand times more, I fear that love. I fear truly loving you because I never want to lose myself again. A failed trial of love left me scarred. I lost myself in hopes that I would find the person I once knew. So, I am only left to question if loving you would be the same. I never have searched for perfect, just real. Yet, real in this generation barely exists. My mindset on love is a lot older than my true age, and you coincidentally match that. I am in no rush to fall in love again, because I am genuinely terrified. Growing up, I never saw fairytale romances. I saw abuse, arguing, breaking up, anger, hurt, infidelity, assault, and etc. I saw everything that I did not want to be. Maybe that's why it's so scary…. Everything I did not want to be, I became. Although, pain does not last forever. For the right person I would go through all the ups and downs again. When I think of you, everything feels okay. I find peace in your name, and safety within your touch. The bond that came in such a short amount of time is deceiving. Reality is I barely know you, and yet it seems I've known you for years. I can't say you’re my person, but I also can't say you're not. With you it all seems clear, but I am more confused than ever. You make me want to be better, and in ways you push me to do so. Though, before anything you're my friend. With that being said, you'll have me by your side forever. Falling in love has never been my intention, in all actuality I just wanted to be around you. You give me a constant reminder of my ex, and i'll never understand why. I battle with trusting you because your actions show me a thousand red flags I should run from. You define losing me as easy, and created an imaginary “hoe” profile of me. You knock my character down in every way possible and yet I have not walked away. I see something in you, something i can't actually describe. I just know there's more to you then this person you have willingly showed me. To me you are something more than just another boy. I can't tell you I'm in love because I am not. Yet, the way I feel is deeper then if you were just my friend. I want to see you win, regardless if you're around me or not. I also have an urge to see you happy, and i hope you reach that feeling everyday. I don't know what our purpose is, or what role you will play in my life…. But I do know you have importance in it. Whether this is a forever thing or a just right now, I want the best for you.
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