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Hey Kalvin, it's me Sam.
Look, I know that you broke things off for the right reasons. You saw that we weren't making each other happy and you wanted to end things before they got any worse. But, if that's the case, why does it still hurt so much to think about you? Why have six months passed, and I still cry at the thought of you? I'm angry, upset; part of me knows that it was the right thing to do, but the other part wishes that you had still stayed. I'm not sure if I just miss the comfort of having someone care about me in a romantic way, or if it's having you care about me in a romantic way that I miss. Sometimes, I just wish that I could forget you, I wish that we never would have met, and that we could've just gone our separate ways. I just want the pain to stop, because every time a thought of you pops into my head, I hear someone say your name, every time I see a car that looks like yours, it's like I'm reliving that night all over again and my heart is torn in two yet again. I know I need to move on, I'm fairly certain you already have. You broke things off so easily, you didn't even shed a tear. And yeah, I'm bitter, and I resent that you didn't show any emotion that night. It made me feel like our relationship was nothing but a dalliance to you, an experiment with a disappointing result. . . but I wish I knew. Was it hard for you? Did you cry in the car, or when you got home? Did you bury yourself in your work to avoid thinking about how it's all over? I ask because I tried those things, but it didn't work so well for me. When you broke up with me, I became a shell. I couldn't eat for a week, and I could hardly work without breaking into tears every half hour. If our relationship wasn't as good as it should have been, then why did I still feel like something had been ripped away from me? You said you never want to hold me back, so why can't I let go, why do I still feel trapped in our past relationship? Why did you tell me to find someone new that same night? Why tell me that we can be friends, just to ghost me later on? I want answers dammit, I just need closure. I'm crying even as I type this out, and for some stupid reason, I think this is going to help fix things. I don't let anyone know that I still feel this hurt because I feel like they're annoyed with me for not getting over you fast enough. But I need to tell someone, let someone see how much pain I'm in, how much pain I've been in these past months, because I'm so tired of hiding it. . .
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