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I don't believe in soulmates. Sort of. I don't believe that there is one person out there that you're destined to spend the rest of your life with. It just seems unreasonable to expect something as impossible as that to be true. I do believe that there are platonic relationships that you're meant to be with, not forever but for as long as you're meant to be in each others lives. Some friends are forever, some are for a period of time but I believe that there are certain ones you're meant to be with. As for romantic relationships, I don't think so. As the hopeless romantic that I am, it feels a little odd to not have such a passionate belief in a love stronger than any other relationship. But it just doesn't fit into the logic parts of my brain. I will say though, that he is different.
I've loved a lot and I've loved deeply. I'm reluctant to love just anyone because I know how attached I can get. It's hard to get inside my heart but once you're there you can cause immense damage if or when you leave. So I make a point to be careful which I suppose comes off as hesitant. I will say though, that he is different.
Every man I've ever loved, every relationship I've ever been in, every boyfriend I've ever had has loved me less than I loved them. I'm always the one more in love. More attached. More invested. More devoted. It's unfortunately and painfully noticeable. It's me constantly feeling like I'm too much or that I'm coming on too strong or that I'm a lot a lot a lot a lot so very much. It's me feeling like I can't be honest about how I feel because I don't want to have to fix another hole in my fragile heart. It's me feeling like talking about anxiety and depression just scares them off. It's me feeling like I have to fight for attention, affection, time. It's me feeling more alone than when I am alone. I will say though, that he is different.
It's the waking up in the middle of the night to him pulling the sheet over my shoulder so I don't get cold. It's the waking up after him and my water on the nightstand has been refilled. It's the getting up late and going into the kitchen to the breakfast he's already made for me. It's the way he drops everything to hold me when I'm feeling overwhelmed, anxious, stressed, depressed. It's the texts telling me to let him know when I've made it home safe. It's the random texts with things that remind him of me. It's the kind of laughter we only have when we're together. It's the kind of safety I only feel when I'm with him.
Love has always been scary and hard. It isn't meant to be easy but it isn't supposed to make you feel worse than when you're alone. It's supposed to provide companionship. Love has always been something I've very much wanted but have always been afraid of. It's always hurt and caused more pain than it's I thought it was worth.
I will say though, that he is different.
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I love this so much!!
Literally brings tears to my eyes, I'm so happy for you!
Replyoh thank you, thank you so much ^~^
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