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I talk to myself a lot. All the time. Nonstop. Like, verbally. Not in my head. When I'm alone, that is.
And like many, I use the mask. The mask that hides my feelings and makes everyone think I'm the chill and upbeat guy I was a year ago.
The thing is I'm acting chill and upbeat with myself as well, when I'm alone. I used to think that meant I just... was chill and upbeat. But I've come to realize that's not the case.
For me the mask isn't just a smiling one, it's just a barrier between my emotions and my actions\attitude. I can seem angry and sad and whatnot with the mask one, but my actions no longer have that... connection to my emotions. It's like, I can be miserable and act miserable at the same time but there isn't that connection between them. I fully control those miserable actions and even though I AM miserable inside the miserable attitude is fake, even though it's accurate. I fully control it, like I don't act using my emotions anymore. It might seem like a positive thing but god, no it's not. I don't feel connected to my emotions anymore.
And the problem is I can't take the mask off! Even when I'm alone the barrier is still there!
How can I connect with my emotions again?
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hi! i know this is rly late and that you might not end up seeing this but here are my thoughts on it.
as someone who also talks to themself a lot, i feel like that's actually a way to reconnect ur emotions to ur actions and such. as an example, when i end up talking to myself it's usually because i'm thinking of a conversation that may happen in the future, or how i might execute a joke and such :) most of the time i don't even realize i'm speaking out loud and performing those actions, but they're linked to my emotions and what i'd do in those scenarios. i'd suggest trying to act out a scenario in ur mind ( ik this sounds a bit odd hdhdh i'm not the best at sharing my thoughts sorry-) like maybe talking to a friend that's sad, or even a group project with others. since you're rly just thinking about it in ur mind, ur emotions should kick in, and ur actions could follow- after all, that's what the mind was made for :)
hope this helps even if only a bit ^^ good luck!!
ReplyOP here, saw it :)
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