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I do not know when it started but I guess it happens. My friend cries over a guy or some silly things like she thinks he is not giving her attention but then the guy always checks on her and calls her whereas she does not but that day I guess he was a little off so they only talked only for 2 hours in the morning but then in the evening he didn't even message her and then she came running to me and cried over it. It was 1 am in the morning but okay I thought she had a big problem but then I said her that I had classes in the morning so I really needed to sleep but she messaged me so many times and called me and even sent me videos of her crying. Then I thought I needed to listen to her, she might be in trouble I thought and then I think she wanted me to comfort her but hell I don't know how to comfort her.
Okay, I know I need to be there when people need me and I am always there for people who need me even when I can not comfort them. Every living being has its own problem I understand and I rather hear them out and keep it a complete secret as I tend to forget those secrets the other day. But I seem to have a problem now. I have learned English my whole life but now I keep forgetting the spellings even when I wrote it right, I am confused if it is or not. My friend usually tends to see me as an easy-going, fun person who does not have any problem, so I guess it's normal for her to come to me for her problems. But I can not feel a thing, she says. She shares her problem with me and expects me to react but I don't know what to react but still, I tried. So, one day she cried over another guy and I cried with her rather than pretended to cry and that seems to work.
I had even visited a psychiatrist but she asked me questions that I did not know what to answer it but still, I looked at it in a logical way and answer it. I was sent home as a perfectly fine person. I even do exercise with my friends but then while doing the exercise I keep reminding myself unknowing that I now can not do it. I keep lacking behind others and can't even speak fluently sometimes. when I am sad or in pain people keep asking me how it pains but then I don't have an answer to it. I can only remember those feelings and pain when those feelings occur but then when that pain and feelings pass I cannot even know what those were. I keep hearing a toooooooooooo sound in my ears and feel sometimes that I have suddenly become short.
I can't say these things to my parents as the psychiatrist said that I am fine and once when I tried telling them, they thought I was faking it and scolded me. I even tried saying it to my friends but then they likely said go to the doctor and they couldn't say anything about it. I keep feeling weak and dizzy but they said they feel it too. I do not know why but I keep feeling that I am not like them and I want to be like them and It hurts me when they do things easily whereas I can not. I keep feeling that I am too different than them and I want to do things like them but whenever I try I seem to give up unknowing even when I want to do it. They even think I fake my situations as I always jokingly ask them about serious problems that I face but then I change the topic or things and make it seem like it was never the case but I never lost contact with them or talked rudely with them.
Can I do things like them, make friends like them, feel things like them? Am I weird to think in this way? What is happening I can not understand... Is it okay to feel this way?
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You are fine. You do seem to be anxious and this is having a 'snow-balling' effect. Another way to say this is that your anxiety is like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Thoughts work like this.
All thoughts come and go, including the ones that have you feeling uneasy. They all need the energy that you provide to stick around and return often. Have you not noticed that some thoughts leave almost as fast as they arrive because you had no reaction to them. However, when you offer your attention, then add some meaning (some story) and have an emotional reaction, these thoughts have what they need from you to be your constant companions. It does not matter if the thought is good, bad, welcomed, unwanted, helpful, or harmful.
You are not your thoughts. Their arrival does not make them legit, your creation, or make them meaningful. You do that. You are the gate keeper.
I'll say more if you are interested.
ReplyI am interested...
ReplyThere is a method involved in being an effective 'gate keeper' for the thoughts that show up in your mind. What this means is that you are the one who decides which thoughts get to stay and which ones need to leave and then causes this to occur.
Before I say more about this, I will make the following declaration for you (it really applies to everyone); You are here (alive) to learn all that you need to know about relationships with people and animals and to love all that lives unconditionally. You are exactly how you need to be and where you need to be on this journey to face these challenges and opportunities. From this day forward you should only do the things that you must, deal with this situations you encounter as best you can which are likely to be relationship lessons, and give love while expecting nothing in return. This will keep you busy. Trying to be like someone else is not a good plan. Everyone is where they need to be. You will travel along this journey with others for a while as long as the benefits for all involved is mutual. Let this be what it is. You can't control it anyway.
So as the 'gate keeper' first you need to set the stage for the arrival of some good thoughts, some helpful thoughts. Decide on 2 or 3 things that you would like to help make happen in your life. Do this now. You can change them, drop them, add new ones any time you want. Its important to do this right away. Write a paragraph or 2 describing these wonderful things. Edit these summaries often to make them clear and brief. Keep them close. Read them often (at least daily). Now when a thought shows up that might move you toward one of these dreams, pay attention, use your imagination to add a story or some meaning, get excited, and if an action from you is initiated, that is even better.
Unwanted thoughts will still show up pretty regularly initially. This can't be prevented and these thoughts can't be forced to leave. Actually, any reaction at all from you will give them the energy they need to stick around. When these thoughts show up, just let them be there in your mind. Observe them as if they are presented in a language you do not understand. Soon they will dissolve and will be replaced with another perhaps unwanted thought. If so, repeat the process. Eventually a thought worth considering will arrive (about doing what you must, dealing with a current situation, or that might support your dreams) and now you know what to do.
Let me know if this is helpful.
ReplySeems you've got a lot of stressors in your life but you lack the language to fully and intricately articulate them. One thing I might suggest is doing some research on what some of these more complex emotions are, what they feel like. So you have some ground to identify what you're actually experiencing.
You're already like everyone else. That's not the issue here. You weren't able to fully explain what you're experiencing and that's why you got a clear pass from that doctor. Had you known what you were experiencing, and been able to convey that, the doctor would have likely had a different diagnosis.
Anxiety can cause that dizziness that you're experiencing, like everything is just swirling around and nothing makes sense. You have troubles recalling what happened 5 minutes ago because your mind is so preoccupied with all these problems going on.
You sound like a very sweet person and very compassionate. But everyone has their limits, even you. Learning to pull back when everyone comes to you with their problems can be beneficial to you. I'm not saying to just turn cold and not help at all, but having some time set aside just for you, no one else. That might help with some of the anxiety you're experiencing.
Anyways, do the research on emotions. That part is going to be vital in helping you express what you're feeling.
ReplyI am on it...I am trying to figure it out... and I will try to take time for myself too...
Reply